they will be better off without me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lynny81, Jun 13, 2007.

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  1. lynny81

    lynny81 Member

    hello im sat locked in my room with my old faithful mate stanley ,and tubs of pills i dont want to be here anymore i have 5 children but im sure they will be berrer off without a mum that puts on a false smile everyday,they lost their dad through drink and ignoring doctors advice ,but they have come through it i even have a grandaughter which i said about in my last thread i went to the hospital with my dad yesterday he is fighting cancer looks so frail my brother is also fighting it how selfish is that they want to live i want to die but thats to easy for me yesterday i had 2 reasons to live today its only the children,what good am i to them my whole life has been nothing but misery im not living im existing and i dont want to anymore.
  2. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    I can relate to how you r feelimg i have 3 children and a wonderful grandaughter enough some would think for anybody to want to live, but in this dark lonely world sometimes you feel a burden to then. I try each day to start in a positive way but sadly sometimes the feelings are so strong and we are so tired it just doesnt happy, i long to get to bed to ensure its over in the hope that the next one will be just a little better

    Take care
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I can also relate to both of you. I have 4 children and sometimes I can't help but think they would be fine without me. I know though that it is not the truth. Death of a parent is not something easily gotten over, but when that death is from their own hand it is all the more difficult. They will never get over that. Their risk of suicide also greatly increases. That is not something I want for my children and I don't think you do either. The fight may be long and hard, but in the end I believe it is worth it. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey Lynny, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. I'm sure your kids are not better off without you, far from it. They can't hold their fathers drinking against you, he was his own person and if anything your kids probably love you more for what you have had to put up with. Dealing with an alcoholic cannot be easy.

    Your death would devastate them and with their granddad and uncle both battling cancer they need you, you need each other. You are not selfish for wanting to die so please don't think that. Depression is not something you can turn on and off at the flick of a switch so please don't think you are selfish. You're hurting inside and I suggest you talk to someone.

    Do you see a doctor/therapist? Are you on medication? Can you talk to a trusted family member or a close friend about your depression? If your kids are old enough, can you talk to them? With your dad and brother both ill it's bound to put strain on you, I hope you have someone you can talk to to get your emotions off your chest, it'll help you - bottling up does no good at all.

    If you want a chat anytime we're here, please take care of yourself. :hug:
  5. lynny81

    lynny81 Member

    hi im still here but i really dont want to be i ended up cutting instead yesterday something i havnt done for months simply because someone very dear to me said if i did they would do it to themselves and to me i cut so its not hurting others,but i couldnt hold off yesterday i just dont want to be here ive been hurt in my life since i was 8yrs old from sexual abuse to rape 21yrs in a hard marriage then john died and ya know i just thought well they cant throw anymore at me how wrong i was,and now to top it all the one person i trusted who broke down the walls has gone to .i have no family here apart from my dad and bro my mum lives in norway she decided to move over there wen i was 16 yes i have meds and i see a counsellor but its not working as you can see im just like john used to tell me WORTHLESS which is why i believe im better off gone im so tired i just want to fall asleep and never wake up.
  6. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Hi Lynny i share the feeling of just wanting to go to sleep it would be such a welcome release peace at last, but we have to go on as best we can in the hope that life may be a little sweeter, if we loose that hope we are in a dangerous place my dear friend and soul mate died 12 weeks ago in a fire she to had a serious drinking proble. From the outside you could see to clearly that she would kill her self and effectively she did by dropping a cigarette while on a bender. The result was her death, but sadly most drinkers dont think thery have a problem they feel we have the problem with their "social drinking" we are not to blame they chose their own way but the pain and sorrow for us can be unbearable especially if life has dealt us so many other blows.

    Try to keep going
  7. lynny81

    lynny81 Member

    hiya georgia sorry to hear of your loss ,keep holding on hun just stay strong x
  8. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    you to lynny i feel for you its a very difficult time
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