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They will never understand

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pioneer, Sep 30, 2011.

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  1. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    They will never understand what it means to suffer. To struggle to wake up everyday regretting that the sun rose on you. They will never know how hard it is to be active and do something. To be involved and part of a team. But most importantly how could they possibly understand what its like to not be able to see your own future. All I see is my death. Its all I dream about, all I think about, and now all I know. Why is it so hard to find a future without my death. Where no one will save me, and no one will help me. I think I'm dying. I think I'll die by my own hands. And I don't know how to stop it.
  2. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    Take a deep breath, you are not alone.
    I know most people don't understand. How could they... if they haven't been there? But you know that you are among friends here, people that get it, that know how hard it is. Just keep writing, keep venting, it helps. You are in my thoughts tonight.
  3. passingthrough

    passingthrough Active Member

    You're right, they don't understand. But as jademaggi said the people here do. I get how much of a struggle it is to keep breathing each day. How hard it is to see no future. I get how strong you have to be to keep living one day at a time. You are so much stronger than you know.

    Have you tried reaching out to someone, one of the 'they'? You may be surprised and find that someone does understand once you tell them.
  4. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    My wife and daughter seem to take joy in poking, the deeper I go into depression, the more they seem to try their hardest to make me into a worthless POS.
    I understand you completely. I have absolutely nobody that I can turn to for help here. Even if I did try to get help, and medication, I have a feeling that the family would just turn up their poking and comments to offset anything that looked like it could help.

    I'm starting to think that my only chance is to find another job as far away from here as I can and just try to start over. Being homeless on on the streets actually looks like a better choice right now.
  5. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    so well said.

    and so may of us can relate.

    hang on in their
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I can relate a lot. There isn't an awful lot to stick around for. But I do it for small things.
  7. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I think a lot of people do understand because most people will face some depression at some point - even if for a short while - it happens that people without depression feel BAD to the point they would surely die.

    Bereavement is a such a time.

    Others feel the darkness when love goes wrong.

    Sometimes losing the home - losing everything - maybe the kids - that brings you down to a point were they match my darkest mood for sure.

    All my life I kept my depression hidden 100%. But looking back - if I had opened up - I don't think anyone would have threw it back at me - not even any women when it got less than cheerful.

    But you got to be careful - some people will use depression against you for sure - so - tell people you trust.

    TRY not to fall into the trap as seeing yourself as THE worse case of depression ever. Thinking that will make you feel bad. Accept you feel bad - no use denying the reality we face - but try not to get too focused on how bad you have it.

    Depression - bad as it is - you CAN be happy again or even for the first time.

    Thanks for opening up mate - it makes me want to open up also.

    And if anyone has an issue with that - they actually have the issues and need people with depression to relate to!

    People who are REAL hostile to depression likely have it.

    Its like loud-mouths who scream abuse against gays - well - we know there is an issue there!

    So - depression, its actually less painful than a kick in the balls.

    In fact - if you got someone to kick you there (lightly) the subsequent pain would be like - something you would swap for depression!

    Well - its Friday - so lets be different - any man with depression - its bad - but lets cheer up because we are walking straight.

    "Well there whispering his name
    across this disappearing land
    but hidden in his coat
    is a red right hand"
  8. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    So I took the time to talk to someone last night. My closest cousin. I explicitly told him that I wanted to die. But he wrote it off as me being tired of school and needing a vacation. I wonder why he didin't ask why I wanted to die. I don't think he understands suicidal people. That moment just reminded me of the time his girlfriends friend killed herself and he was extremely cold to his girl about the situation. Well I just learn that most people don't understand there are people who want to die and they are in pain, not sick but in pain.
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