They'll be cleaning me off the tracks soon

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by diseased, May 18, 2008.

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  1. diseased

    diseased Active Member

    You know that math problem you never thought you'd have to use? You know, that one about a train leaving a station traveling and such and such speed for such and such distance. When will it arrive?

    I've been working out this problem all day. It comes through around 11 at night.

    It really should be going fast enough to kill me <Mod Edit: Methods> I'd jump off this bridge but I'm terrifyed of heights and since cars drive by I think there'd be more of a chance someone would try and stop me. It'd kill me 100%

    I haven't really decided how yet but I've decided that it has to happen. I feel sick with guilt. I've been crying and shaking all day with no desire to do anything but stop the pain.

    Things aren't getting better. I just want to end my suffering.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2008
  2. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    I know you probably feel like you have no other choice but please, please don't do this. If there is anyone else around and you jump they will be really traumatised, and what about the poor train driver? It's not their fault you're suicidal yet they have to live with having hit you. And the people whose job it is to wash down trains after suicides (and yes, that post apparently really does exist).

    I know things must be awful for you to have decided that this is the best course of action, but it would impact on more people than just you. Please, please reconsider.
  3. diseased

    diseased Active Member

    Maybe people should have thought about how their actions affected me and then it wouldn't have come to this.

    I'm sorry. I know it's really wrong.

    I've tried overdosing and it never works. People hardly ever bleed to death from self injury<Mod Edit: Possible Method> I just want to do something that will work and not physically harm anyone else (like an auto accident). There's no place to hang myself in here.

    I guess if I had some <Mod Edit: Methods>. I hear that it's actually fairly effective and not that painful. But again, I run the risk of being found and rescued by someone.

    I don't want this next attempt to fail.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2008
  4. bb564

    bb564 Guest

    Don't do it! I pm'd you, please read it, just don't do it.
  5. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Well guess what, those people who mistreated you are really bad and should be really upset at what they have done.

    Have you tried turning the pain you recieved and making them feel your pain?
  6. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    I'm surprised I don't see more people talking about trains around here. That's how I intend to go.

    Regarding the engineer being an unwilling participant, too bad. I'm actually hoping to do it at a station in front of strangers, just to share the love. And my wife & kids will be upset no matter how I go.

    My only limit in this is that I won't park my car in front of a train--too much chance of actually hurting someone else, instead of just ruining their lunch. I want it to be as unfair a fight as possible--a thousand-ton train vs. my shirt.
  7. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I am feeling exactly the same as you. However, one thing. Don't make someone else feel responsible for your death. If you did anything like that the train driver etc well it would haunt them for life!
  8. bb564

    bb564 Guest

    I really hope he hasn't done anything stupid.

    We were PM'ing eachother last night, but my internet cut off for about an hour, and I'm really really worried =[
  9. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I feel suicidal and am planning ways. Yes suicide is selfish as of the people left behind but you can try not to involve people who are just going about their daily lives. How woul you feel if you were the one driving the train that hit someone. That is going to be with that person for the rest of their lives.

    I considered jumping in front of a car but the thing that put me off that was the person who was driving the car. My death will hurt enough people without adding to others that do not need to be involved. I do appreciate what I have just said there about acknowledging that it will hurt other people but at the moment I am feeling so bad that doesnt really come in to consideration, and I would imagine anyone else on here who has been at that stage where you want to end everything they will also say that no one elses feelings come in to it as you are so overwhelmed by how you are feeling.

    Sorry off on a bit of a tangent there but hope you can see what I am trying to say?
  10. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    One big difference is a car's maneuverability. Cars can swerve and stop more quickly, and so the driver of a car would probably feel more guilt than the engineer of a train if he ended up hitting you. Thus, I come back to the train as the kinder choice.

    Actually, others' feelings to come into it in one way--my compunction to annoy. Hanging myself in the woods doesn't bother anyone. Creating a traffic jam can annoy thousands. Those of you who've talked to me can, I'm sure, appreciate my attraction to this feature.
  11. sarahmk2

    sarahmk2 Well-Known Member

    my boyfriend is one of 'those' people who have to deal with the mess left on the railway. he has told me about a few he had to go to and i can tell its really got to him
  12. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    I doubt the train driver would notice anything.
  13. The train method is so unneccessary and wrong.
  14. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    I really don't see what the big deal is. Normals would argue that suicide by any method is unnecessary and wrong.
  15. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    But adding to other peoples grief unneccessarily and people that aren;t connected to you are then connected tp you as of it. Your family will be affected by it already which is bad enough nit to have someone who isnt even connected to you brought in to it is bad.

    Hope that makes sense?
  16. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Within limits. I can't, as a practical matter, manage to insult everyone on Earth individually (much less in alphabetical order). But by killing myself in public, I can at least share the love with some small random sample of the world.

    So I suppose it comes down to me being unwilling to sweep myself under the rug in order to avoid making others uncomfortable.
  17. riddle

    riddle Member

    i couldn't traumatize other people. i was standing literally on the edge, and a bystander made a comment as i was beginning to move forward and jump. (what happened to bystander apathy, eh) i hadn't really considered the other people there. it was a major tourist destination. i wouldn't want to watch someone else suicide. why should i submit others to it. i was going to jump after everyone had left but i was arrested and certified.
  18. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    In my line of work I went to the scene of a train suicide. Was not very nice, at first we could not tell whether male or female. I was okay dealing with it but my partner wasn't. He hasn't been back to work in 6 months!!!! I even had one teenage boy who insisted on looking at it, I didn't let him. I don't think that some people don't realise that what they see can last them a lifetime.
  19. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    I can understand if someone is really suicidal and in their despair ends up killing themselves when their are people around like running in the road or jumping of a bridge, or if you have tried other methods and know the only one that will work revolves people seeing, again like the bridge/train. but to purposely plan out and take pleasure in people watching? do you know if there will be kids around? or dont you care about that either. why the need to draw so much attention to yourself? are you angry at everyone in the world because they are non caring and evil because if so than do you not think that even if you kill yourself in front of them they wont give a shit about it, but you obviously think they will by knowing you will mess them up over it meaning that you know there are people in the world that care.
  20. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    sorry ive just re read my post and i worded it wrong, i wasnt trying to criticise i was just trying to find out why you feel this way, do you feel the world has done you wrong? the people that will be affected will be people that have some sort of caring nature which means not everyone is bad is what i was trying to say (not very well though)

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