they'll just forget me...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by herenow, Apr 10, 2011.

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  1. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    I don't even remember what I was crying about. Something about how all communities are bad, online and offline, and it's probably better to give up and live on your own. Tons of people from my community don't even like me. Neighbours, old people from school. We have neighbours who hate our whole family who ignore us all the time. I have people from my old school who just ignore me as they walk by, people I knew for years, people who were "childhood friends". I'm rotten stupid person. The family I live with can't even get my name right. They mix me up with other relatives. I'm that unimportant and small and insignificant and everything I've gone through doesnt count, so they can't even remember my name. I think of killing myself, but I don't want to die, I don't want to kill the child I used to be, I feel sorry for her. Now I'm crying again. Sometimes I see on the news some segment after someone dies and people say oh he was such a wonderful person, we'll miss him so much, but who will say that for me? My mom, my dad? That's all? Will they even think anything good about me? They don't now, they're not proud of me. When my mom's friends brag about their children, she doesn't brag about me, she brags about my other relatives.
    I'm 22 and no one's ever wanted other than trying to convince to have sex with them. I just go with it because it's the only attention I get I guess, and I fall in "love" with these people. I keep on thinking "don't hurt me, don't hurt yourself."
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Let me first say that I'm sorry you're suffering so much.

    It's pretty much always extremely distressing for someone to feel unwanted, or more specifically, an unwanted child in a family. That by itself is an extremely deep subject, one that requires a lot of clinical work to dent the problem. Therapy with a professional would consist of getting to the bottom of the problem and exploring solutions, and it would certainly be a long-term therapy.

    That being said, I think I can safely say that we aren't prepared to make well-informed solutions for the problems you mention on our own. We can, however, support you as best we can when you need us. Often some of us can relate to just about anything. We will listen very closely, and we'll come together to see if we can do something for you.

    Aside from that, I would strongly recommend finding a professional therapist who has some experience with the problems you're having. Is that something you'd be willing to try? Do you think that would be at all possible, or are there obstacles in your way?

    Also, you mentioned death in the news, and how you think your family would react to your death. Are you feeling suicidal now?
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2011
  3. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    I think I've calmed down now, I'm not crying anymore, but I know the sadness is just there unconsciously. I feel like even I get past this, from all the experiences I had, the sadness will just be "there", like a little prick pain in my heart.
    I can't really afford a therapist to be honest, especially not long term, and I've seen a few but none were good. I'm seen a psychiatrist but she just gives me medicaion. I will be seeing a naturopath soon and I hope she/he helps...
  4. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Good, I'm glad you've calmed down. :)

    I never got along well with my therapists, either. I'm not sure how many I've had, six or seven maybe, and the one I stuck with the longest left her career, so I had to find a new one. But I'm not very good with finding a competent therapist. And they are definitely expensive.

    I'm not familiar with the term naturopath. What is a naturopath?
  5. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    naturopath is like a doctor tha specializes in herbal remedies, vitamin remedies, that kind of stuff. I think some also do a bit of counseling. There are fake ones that do dangerous stuff like starving you for a few days to cleanse you, though :p Or just rip your money off. But I found a "real" good one.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Your likely just suffering some depression - that makes you think that your unpopular and perhaps the depression leads you to be less social which might account for a few relatives mistaking your name.

    Maybe your naturally a quiet person and your relatives are a bit deaf.

    As for saying hello to people - I usually always do this. After a while people say hello back. If you recognise old childhood friends just say hello or simile. It depends on the social setting but if your just passing by then a polite hello will reciprocated by 90% of people. Bear in mind sometimes people might be just in another world and we interpret that as ignoring us. Depression is entirely to blame for the way you feel - unless you've got a reputation as an axe murderer or something?

    Sometimes families can be cruel to each other, more in the little put downs and silly arguments that can happen. Being close to people makes you more likely to argue in a manner which leads to cruel things being said. With depression those cruel words can have a great impact especially when parents might put down children or the other way around. I hate arguing myself and have learnt to agree to disagree. On the other hand you might be best to look at getting your own place sometime. Often this eases relationships with parents especially if you have depression and might unwittingly take it out on them.

    All you can do is try and better yourself. I'm not talking about material success just so your mum can brag to Aunt Whoever with the daughter who is qualified to travel in space and who met a wonderful husband whilst scuba diving off Barbados.

    Education perhaps might be an outlet for you if you have no particular goals set for yourself. 22 is very young, and its not unusual for you to not have met your Mr Right. Try getting to know men before you sleep with them - a good man will wait so its a process of eliminating the men who might 'use' you. There'll be a nice man your own age out there I'm sure.

    I'm not sure about a naturopath or herbal medicines to tackle depression. Let us know more info as people her have experience of natural cures including medicine, meditation and yoga and so on. Before you spend money ask a few questions here about the best way to go using natural remedies and techniques instead of jumping feet first into the pharmaceutical menu on offer.

    You may just be a down and frustrated by things rather than depressed. So maybe herbal cures would be safer and effective in raising your immune system and being boosted with vitamins and the usual plenty of sunshine and exercise.

    Don't let your folks get you down - and if neighbours have some grudge against your family then its not your fault. Every community has its small town squabbles and gossips who like to cause mischief via their nasty little minds. You got to rise above all that - deal in truths and you'll be OK.

    Good luck and try not to dwell on the negatives so much!

    Let us know how long you been feeling this way also.
  7. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    Hi, thanks for the reply. It's not that so much that they just don't say hello to me, I know for sure many people don't/didn't like me and treated me badly. I swear it's not my depression.
    I am better now, it is warm and I can spend a lot of time outside doing whatever and I feel lots better. My naturopath gave me a questionnaire about the different neuropathways in your brain to see where I need some help from medicine or something like that. I for sure need medicine cause I had psychosis ontop of depression and all that.
    Anyway, I do have goals...I just don't work towards them. There are things I want to be different about the world or my world, etc. but I feel helpless...idk. I haven't received my medication yet and I'm going to be searching for more criticism about naturopathy to really get a good idea of it. Thanks.
  8. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    to be honest I get in these moods now that end in me being totally ready for suicide ;/
  9. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Right now? What's making you feel so bad you want to kill yourself?
  10. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    Not right now, just these days. Sorry for all the trouble I'm causing ;/ I just feel awful about my past, the way everyone hated me, etc...I ruminate and ruminate and it drives me insane. I don't want to go into detail, I'll just saying I can't say everything...
  11. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    I keep on feeling awful. I am convinced that one day I will do it. I do not plan, it is just the way I am seen by society once I start talking, the way everything is, the everything has been..I'm too heavy hearted for everything :(
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