they're gone

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by fading_dreams, Oct 29, 2006.

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  1. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    a friend of mine has my blades... i actually gave them to her, which was, i guess, a good step that i could give them to her... but now i miss them.... i regretted it the whole weekend... but she sayst aht she won't give them back to me until i don't want them back. which is really good i guess.... somewhere deep down inside of me recognizes that, but at the same time, i want them back so badly. i don't have any razors because i took them all apart for the blades, which were in the container that i gave to her... i have been shaving by borrowing my sister's razor, but i can't take hers apart. i've tried a safety pin (go figure.... safety) but it just wasn't the same... i don't know if i can do it with a knife because they aren't as sharp.... i mean, i want to see blood.. and that just won't do it....
    and so i'm really wanting them back but thinking maybe i should just downplay it and act like i don't need them back so that she will give them to me... and i know that she won't believe me because she knows me too well... she knows that i want them.... and it's times like this that i feel insane... i mean, i have my lucid moments... i gave her a note the other day encouraging her to not let me have them back even though i asked for them and telling her that she was doing the right thing.. but now... now i just want them back... and so.. i don't know... i gave them to her when i was feeling good and i wrote her the note when i was feeling good, but now that i'm feeling bad, like i need them, she's not here... and she lives too far away to go and get them....
    yeah... i can't decide if it was smart or stupid to give her my blades.... i know that she won't cut herself.... yeah..... anyway.... any thoughts on my situation, or on how i can get my blades back.... i kind of like being safe, but i mostly just miss my stuff...
  2. LostandConfused

    LostandConfused Well-Known Member

    uv done a good thing! and i no things seem shit, n sometimes u can get so desperate but ur doing amazing!

    everyone has good and bad days, ur just having a bad one! things will get easier :)

    u must have been really strong to give your friend them so you can go back to being like that some days!

    after u reached a certain point it will get easier! things have gotta get worse before they get better so just hang in there! :)

    sorry i no i aint helped that much :S hope it made kinda sense tho

    if u want a proper chat im me :)
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