My psychiatrist has realised that I'm much more risky than I was a few weeks ago, since my career imploded. I'm now back on daily checks, the psych nurse who came round yesterday took all my potential means of ending my life (which I guess I deserve for keeping all my eggs in one basket and all my pills in one box.) I'm really struggling, knowing that my way out has gone and it's going to take so long to rebuild such a collection. The HTT have also started faffing with the decisions made by my consultant psychiatrist - disagreeing with his diagnosis and using their own, telling me that the drugs I'm on won't work and therapy will just help me to function better in society - i.e. I'm never going to feel better, so they're focussing on making me act normal. I think, if they'd told me that and left me with the means to end my life, I would probably have done it last night or this morning. I have nothing here that's reliable enough to actually kill me, not to just leave me more disabled. Right now I don't have the motivation to scrape myself off the sofa and go and buy everything again, and find somewhere I can keep it hidden from the HTT. Sigh. Of all the problems in the world it sounds pretty pathetic, it's just another reason for me to feel crappy and be stuck here waiting.