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Thie line must be drawn here. This far, no farther.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Freya, Aug 5, 2012.

  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    The line must be drawn here. This far, no farther.

    All nerdy star trek quotations aside - I have reached a great many conclusions over the course of this weekend. I have whined at people (apologies LoneWolf) I have, I am sure, severely exacerbated the headaches of the others (sorry Ben) I have cried and wallowed and in some instances disappeared so far up my own ass that I have taken to presuming that my feelings are also the feelings of others - projecting my insecurites and issues onto people I love.

    I have developed a profound dislike for myself that has, over time, manifested in a severe trust issue that I did not even really know I had. The hating myself has to stop. The line has to be drawn on badmouthing myself and telling myself every awful thing I can think of. I have spent forever believing the negative things - supposing that the people who said them are right. I realise today (far later than I should have) that if someone I love and admire and respect is telling me good things - someone whose opinion matters to me - someone whose honesty and integrity is one of the things I love most about them - it is time to start listening. It is time to move on from the bad crap. It is time to start telling myself the truth.

    So okay.
    • I am not ugly. Am I pretty? No not really. Am I overweight? Yes. But I am okay looking; I am not hideous. I have a body that works - it is healthy (ish) - I can walk and if needs be run (eep). I am not generally in pain. I am young (thirty one is young - I am not joining the fossil thread damnit) and far more people have told me that I look fine than have told me that I look awful. I have no reason at all to avoid mirrors and cry if faced with a camera. Enough of believing the bad things said by people I have no respect for. No more believing that three or four guys represent the opinions and thoughts of men in general. This far - no farther.
    • I am not stupid. Have I made bad decisions? Yes. Do I need saving from myself and specifically my propensity for hanging onto damaging people and situations? Definitely. But I am smarter than average - I am articulate and educated and I actually think about things. I am not lacking basic common sense (outside of my own safety) and I am interested in things. I can have an intelligent conversation on most topics and those I cannot I am more than willing to listen, to learn, to admit my ignorance and ask questions. Enough telling myself I am stupid. No more beating myself up for very human mistakes. This far - no farther.
    • I am not a horrible person. Have I hurt people? Done selfish things? Yes I have. Find me someone who has not. Do I think bad and uncharitable thoughts? Yes I do - I am human. But I care about people - I am thoughtful and I am kind. I would give you (whoever you are) my last pennies if you needed them. I have a developed sense of empathy and I judge less than the average person. I am accepting and loving and would never ever intentionally or even knowingly hurt someone. Enough holding myself responsible for everyone else's unhappiness. No more focussing on the bad things I have done and thought and dismissing the good qualities I have. This far - no father.
    • I am not worthless. Did I save the world like I wanted to at 18? No. Do I make a profound difference to humanity at large? Nope. But I have helped. I taught dozens of children that having a voice and taking a stand for what they believe in is as valuable as any qualification on a piece of paper. I taught grown adults to read and write. I took heroin addicts from having no functional skills at all to capable of and, more importantly, believing that they could, enter the workforce - that they had options. And more than that - I am not DONE yet. I likely have decades left. Enough sitting around whining about being useless. No more self pitying obsession about the obstacles to being the person I want to be. No more telling myself there is no future. This far - no farther.

    I can and will be someone I am proud of. I will not hide and I will not be ashamed of being who I am. I will be someone he deserves. I will be someone I deserve. I will not let the past define my future. I will not let fear win.

    This far, no father.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2012
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: The line must be drawn here. This far, no farther.

    Well you pretty much said it all yourself!
    Welcome to the human race :smile: and keep those affirmations strong in your mind. :hug:
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Re: The line must be drawn here. This far, no farther.

    Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.
    Winston Churchill
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Re: The line must be drawn here. This far, no farther.

    Terry - :hug thank you.
    Ben - :lol!: Could you please make your font bigger next time? I could hardly see your reply... :cheekkiss: thank you!
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Re: The line must be drawn here. This far, no farther.

    I am glad you made these. It is nice to see and think about for myself too.. I am glad you are trying to look forward. :hug: And We are all here for you still rooting you on! :)