Thing called happiness and friends....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Doozy, Jul 2, 2009.

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  1. Doozy

    Doozy New Member

    I have yet to see that again. There was a time when I was pretty happy, had a girlfriend, friends etc. Things just fell apart soon after I was done with high school. My brother was diagnosed with schiznophrenia, so my mom and dad started boozing it up and fought physically almost every night and this was when I was around 14. It went like that for 4 years. Eventually, I lost contact with all my friends, lost my self confidence, self esteem.

    I pretty much just wanted to end it all or just move away from this family and live alone and work some crappy ass job that paid for me to survive alone. And around when I was 18, my mom walked out on us because she didn't wanna deal with all this. So she married someone else right away as soon as she left us and said she didn't wanna see me again. Well, you know, :poo: I guess but how could a mother just forget about her sons like that. It's been about 6 months and she hasn't bothered to call. My dad is outta' country doing some business work and today I just crashed my car into a fire hydrant crying over the things that I couldn't get from life (the crash wasn't intentional, I just fucked up). I just wanna' run away from it all, or just end it. I keep dreaming of the day where I'd meet someone who finally understands me.
  2. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you are ok after getting into that accident. Try to confide to someone else who may be special to you, your brother, or someone you speak with. Not all mothers are going to be "ideal mothers", it is not your fault, but it is unfortunate that people in your circumstances have to go through this.
  3. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that your life sucks right now. Is there any other way to put it?

    I don't know if I'm good at the support thing. It's my nature to try to give some advice or at least something to think about, rather than simply sympathize. And right now I wonder where I get off even offering advice when I'm not doing any better than anyone here.

    But here goes: It's not your brother's fault that he's ill, but it doesn't have to fall to you and your dad to try to care for him. I know that people think that a loving family should do that no matter what, but would they still say that if they had to endure what you're going through?

    It may be that your brother can be placed somewhere where people have a lot of experience with schizophrenics, and where he can actually do better and be happier than he is at home. If your dad gets some really good advice about how to set up a special needs trust and build a life plan for your bother, then he and you could be relieved of this burden and get your own lives back together.

    Try not to let your mother's shortcomings tell you what kind of person you are. Don't let her problems become hers.
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you've had to suffer through this. You should find someone to talk to, whether it be on here, in therapy or a close friend who you can trust. You need to be able to express your feelings about this :hug:
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Wow I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can relate to some of the stuff you lived through. My mother is schizophrenic and I had to deal with taken care of her ever since I was 3 years old.

    I would love to tell you that things will get better but I'm depressive and suicidal myself so....all I can say is take it one day at time....

    if you ever need to talk pm me...
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