There are times when I simply do not know how to confront a problem. Times when I am clueless and lost. And there are times when I know - logically, intellectually - what I need to do. And can't do it. The only thing I have to liken it to is falling on train tracks from a height; lying there broken and hurting and knowing that the ONLY way to survive is to get up, move on, get yourself to a better situation. If you don't then either you will continue to hurt until you die in slow agony where you lie, or you will get smushed by an oncoming train. Knowing you should get up off the tracks doesn't mean you can. Not when it hurts so much to move. Not when it hurts so much you'd welcome the oncoming train. Fast. Swift. Final. I could sit and write a list of all the things I should do. Things I know I need to do. Things I suspect would, eventually, make things better. But it hurts too much. It hurts so much that all my energy goes into holding back tears - into basic functionality. Like a body cutting off the blood supply to limbs to sustain the internal organs; it keeps you alive but it also ensures you can't move. I feel so very very alone. I am sorry if that offends anyone here; I am not ungrateful for friendship and chat here - but fundamentally I feel alone. Nobody to call. No "in case of emergency". And I cannot pick myself up off the train tracks. I am broken and bleeding and there is only one thing I care about more than making the pain stop - only one thing preventing me from welcoming the oncoming train - and I do not know if it is enough to save me.