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Things are clearer when not on meds

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Undone, Apr 21, 2008.

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  1. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    Stupidly, I guess, I took an antidepressant holiday over the weekend. My meds were leaving me completely devoid of any feeling besides numbing sadness. Although I guess you could argue things were better on the meds, I still felt like crap under their influence. Devoid of the range of human emotions, unable to fully enjoy the touch of another, a personalityless zombie.
    I just wanted to feel, boy did I.

    I've come to the conclusion that antidepressants are liars. What I'm thinking and feeling when depressed isn't the result of a depressed mind, it's the truth. Antidepressants never actually made me feel any better, they just sugar coat sh*t, made things slightly more bearable.

    Antidepressants are like the friend who tries to see the brightside of things, even though there isn't one...
    "You have to get your tonsils out?!??! At least you get to eat alot of icecream :tongue::biggrin:!!!"
    "Um no, that's not a fair exchange & it'll just make me fat. Besides I'm 26, I can eat icecream everyday if i want :dry:."

    Or the naive child...
    "You lost your job?!??! Cool, now we can spend more time together!"
    "Yes, & sleep in a box."

    Or the friend who doesn't know how to compliment...
    "You're not ugly, you just have a big nose & an awkward look to yourself."
    "Yeah, that's better"

    I still think & feel the same when on meds, they just to make me ambivalent about it. But the truth is, is that I am ugly, I do hate myself, I've struggled with life since I was a child, I am letting the few people in my life down, & I do want it to end, even if that means death etc, etc, etc
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    other than meds, are you doing anything else to battle depression? i look at meds as just one tool in my toolbox... although my psych loves them and clearly thinks that's all i need. instead i have a counsellor i like and trust, relaxation and meditation classes, exercise, a community nurse who helps me out. meds alone did not shake my depression, but combined with other stuff are slowly lifting me...
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