Things are not the way they look

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by IZ2INSANE, Oct 26, 2010.

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    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    I go through the day looking-acting responsible yet on the inside I am planning... I don't want to hurt inside like this. I have been hurting like this since I was very young.
    Been on meds for a decade.
    Been going to therapy twice a week for 2 years.
    Been in 2 out of state hospitals in the last 2 years.
    This is a huge jump....going insane.....finding the solution is a very private deal.....
  2. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    I don't know how you're feeling (I don't think anyone knows but you) but I truly believe it someday will go away. I really hope it happens for you...

    If you want/need to talk, feel free to contact me. It will be a pleasure, ok?

  3. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    On the surface you are looking and acting responsibly, yet on the inside you are suffering badly and wish the hurting would stop.

    From what I understand of your post, you have tried medication and therapy and still you live with the inner pain, and maybe you now think suicide is the solution?

    There is hope; there always is... keep posting here and know that you are not alone, (((hugs)))

    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    I understand what its like to get to a dead-end and wonder and wonder where do I go from here?
    Sounds like drama but its my life....
    I don't know what else to try or do.....
    I don't know why i am posting here?

    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    I too am a proffessional but still employed-headed to the darker side.
    Tried long term sobriety, spirituality, many programs, many different meds given a very fair try.
    Have quite a history of darkness and recovery but am really seeking the ease and comfort the darkness gave me which ends up in death.
    I need to get the guts....This is the solution!
  6. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    How does the darkness give you comfort? Is it familiarity? Your post so reminded me of this:

    The prospect of stepping out into a world of unfamiliarity can be frightening and daugnting task. ''Viktor Frankl wrote a book called 'mans search for meaning', which he based on his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp at Dachau. He recalls how on the day of their liberation some people who had yearned desperately for freedom had been held captive for so long that when they were eventually released they walked out into the sunlight, blinked nervously and and then walked silently back into the familiar darkness of the prisons.''

    But there IS HOPE AND LIGHT in your darkness. I'll pray for you. You say you've tried spirituality, what do you mean? Can I assume you have had issues with alcohol and/or drugs, you mentioned having tried long term sobriety?

    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    The darkness is what hurts yet feels comforting-kinda makes since onley when there. Its like dying and not being dead yet but close.
    OD'd on booze and dope when I was 10. I am now a lot older.... Got into a recovery program.
    On meds and in therapy. Got some tough PTSD from early kid stuff.
    I am about ready to go back to where I began when I was 10 and just drift to somewhere better.
    Thanks...I think I have already said more than I feel OK with...Later

    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    I have tried to get any kind suport on here. I have gotten a little-thanks to those...... but not enough.
    Death is under-rated.
    plann by 7am
    thanks for the kind thoughts and words but i am tired.
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