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Things are so bad now.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Sep 4, 2010.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I wanted to say how bad things are and how nothing at all helps,I've tried every single thing but nothing helps.I awake and I have this massive depression that nothing will help,even things I thought or that usually try to trigger some nerve of enjoyment no not working.All feelings have gone and in truth it's been some time like that.The only thing that is so strong is to leave this world,it's actually the strongest thing I have it's so sad I know.

    I can't believe how nothing triggers any joy or excitement yes i know it must be that the depression is so severe that's what it is.It's kind of scary that the only appealing thing is to do something drastic and I can't keep holding it off,inside of me there is no want to improve no want or desire to get better nothing seriously.It's like I have no feeling but to dissapear that's all.

    It's ever so tough because whatever i try to cling on to it's not there,just to fade away is so strong the want is there to do it is also to hold on much longer I know it's not going to happen I really know that for sure I so much do.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Keep holding on, hun. You have come a long way.:hugtackles:
  3. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Gawd, I had the same conversation with myself,,,,,,crying all day uncontrollably. In the middle of a clohting store at the mall, I stood by a mannequin and those almost verbatim phrases spoke in my mind.....al those little things that are suppose to make life meaningful and usually give me a little spark, are not working....no zest....completely dead. sorry,,,,
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thanks yeh it is that bad no matter what i try it doesn't work,nothing at all is breaking the depression but sleep and the hell never goes away.I can't believe it I know how it all feels but the urge to leave is ever so stronger as it's ever been because I'm feeling like such shit.
  5. johnpearce48

    johnpearce48 New Member

    It is like I am living in someone else's mind; whatever I think about, whatever I try and do, I hear a voice saying that I am useless and the word "suicide". It gets so that the word suicide becomes my warm place; it becomes the place I go as I lay in a trance, not moving, not thinking, not sleeping, just hearing a voice saying suicide.

    I see no future where that voice will ever go and I see no future where I can stand to listen to the voice for much longer.

    I have medication for depression, I have spoken to a doctor and I have talked to every person I know, and must drive my wife to the edge of depression herself.

    But I do not commit suicide ...

    I do not let the voice win.

    Therefore, today, I will live and hope.

    There is no tomorrow today; it does not exist.
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou John I've tried to live in hope for that many years now but all hope is gone for me all seriously.I'm tired of just existing tired of trying tired of everything.
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down ace...
    I hope you can find a reason to live.. ....:arms:
  8. Matrias

    Matrias Active Member

    so many of these posts are so spot on with me its freaking me out abit:worthy:
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hang in there ace. :hug:
  10. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Sorry everyone the strong urges never leave my mind,the want has become more appealing than ever,I know seriously I'm ever so close now I feel it so much.Nothing helps nothing at all,I can't stay anymore to just keep experiencing ongoing useless&pointless pain.I know if that's how it has to be then that's it.
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    keep fighting it ....go get some more help....
    do your meds need changing or adjusting? do you need to go to hospital?
    need some therapy or a new therapist?

    keep reaching out here so we can offer support..
  12. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    I know it's not much, but we're here for you...
    Please stick around, at least for us-I remember the help you gave me a long time ago- it made a difference.
    I'm so sorry you are going through so much pain...
  13. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou all for your kind words,I've had a change of meds so much Therapy but nothing at all helps.Being ever so depressed 24/7 and the only peace I have is when I sleep is pointless to keep existing.When nothing you do works I can't feel the purpose in hanging on anymore,it's too late now I've tried for long enough but it all becomes and is pointless.The strong desire now is as powerful as ever and the want is so strong now as well.

    Hanging on now is just to hard for me also because I just don't want to or feel the need to anymore especially when you're constantly so rotten,so that's how it's pointless to keep on living.I only know it's going to happen anytime it's the truth I'm ready for it and finally glad for it to be done.I need the peace that's what i need,I can't wait for it now.
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I so hope you have a change of heart... :sad:
  15. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    We are with you, Ace.:hugtackles:
  16. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much again I know it's only a matter of time now that's it,finally I can go and this all can be over just finally that's all I can say.
  17. Swansong

    Swansong New Member


    I'd answer u but im being moderated by moderators
  18. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Go sleep whatever you took or drank off and don't bother posting links, they're just getting deleted and most definitely not clicked :p
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