Things are spiraling out of control!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ladygrace, Oct 30, 2014.

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  1. Ladygrace

    Ladygrace Active Member

    As of late i am trying to work out if i am depressed or just wanting to die for no reason.
    Everyday i spend at least 2 hours a day thinking about suicide, as i am currently doing a bachelor of IT i fine it very hard to keep focused on anything at all.
    I am failing most of my papers this semester, and have exams coming up in 2 weeks. I am currently on medications, but atm they are almost having no affect apart from making me a living zombie who forgets most things and everything feels like a dream. I really have been trying at learning but everything is just crumbling around me.
    I don't go to therapy anymore as i cant afford it to go privately, and the public ones cant help me where i live as they don't offer the services i need.
    As for money i get $160 a week but i will have spent over $500 this week for doctors, dentist and fuel for traveling to school. Why bother to keep trying if all that happens is i feel like i am always punished.
    My parents are asking questions why i am on the computer so long, i have school work to do as well as it saves me money as i don't go out and spend anything, as well as it is something that keeps me a little happy.

    I keep getting told go for a walk etc as it is meant to help recover from depression, but for me it just makes me realize how lonely and worthless my life really is as my brain is constantly thinking, and any small gap suicidal thoughts start.
    Even if i am with family or that the thoughts start up and stick around. No one around me know the full extent how i am feeling as i tend to cover if up all the time to try and fit in.

    I dont know what to do anymore or why bother trying at things.
  2. nararabbit

    nararabbit Active Member

    Hi lady, this will have to be short as I am at work but I was so saddened for you that I had to reply. Please let your professors know you are struggling emotionally ( you MUST be honest) and are falling behind. Coming from a family of professors, they have always worked with students that are trying their best but can't seem to get a grip. I will reply more at length later, but I am thinking of you and sending you warm wished and hugs. Whatever you do, don't give up. Set a timer for 10-20 minutes and work on the most pressing paper. Take a break for 5-10 minutes, clear your head with some gentle stretches, a couple positive songs, then start all over again. Hopefully you'll want to keep going once you gather steam.

    Lots of love!
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