As of late i am trying to work out if i am depressed or just wanting to die for no reason. Everyday i spend at least 2 hours a day thinking about suicide, as i am currently doing a bachelor of IT i fine it very hard to keep focused on anything at all. I am failing most of my papers this semester, and have exams coming up in 2 weeks. I am currently on medications, but atm they are almost having no affect apart from making me a living zombie who forgets most things and everything feels like a dream. I really have been trying at learning but everything is just crumbling around me. I don't go to therapy anymore as i cant afford it to go privately, and the public ones cant help me where i live as they don't offer the services i need. As for money i get $160 a week but i will have spent over $500 this week for doctors, dentist and fuel for traveling to school. Why bother to keep trying if all that happens is i feel like i am always punished. My parents are asking questions why i am on the computer so long, i have school work to do as well as it saves me money as i don't go out and spend anything, as well as it is something that keeps me a little happy. I keep getting told go for a walk etc as it is meant to help recover from depression, but for me it just makes me realize how lonely and worthless my life really is as my brain is constantly thinking, and any small gap suicidal thoughts start. Even if i am with family or that the thoughts start up and stick around. No one around me know the full extent how i am feeling as i tend to cover if up all the time to try and fit in. I dont know what to do anymore or why bother trying at things.