Things are supposed to get better right?

I got a new job after being jobless for a year, i am hanging out with the girl i like almost every day, and my parents arent yelling at me as much. my life seems to be getting better but i still wanna kill myself. i am supposed be doing better in life i shouldnt be having these thoughts now, but they keep coming. my life is doing better than it was but still i see no future for myself i just keep thinking how things would be much better if i wasnt around. i dont know what do anymore and now that i am still having these thoughts killing myself seems like a pretty good idea right now cause my life is going better and i still think i should do it. i am just dont think i was meant to live this long.

 

First off, congratulations on the job, that is terrific!

Ok, let me try and word it like this. Imagine a cancer patient has a tumour removed. Are they instantly well again? Most often not, they often need many different therapies to help them become well again (in this case chemo or radio).

In terms of you, you have had some of the bad things removed, and gained some good things, but you can't expect to be well instantly because it doesn't work like that. Illnesses don't just go when things are good, they need to be fought and won.

Do you have any professional support? Have you ever been to the doc about how you feel? They can do a lot to help you, and allow you to enjoy this good life that you have recently gained.

Suicide would be such a waste of all the positive things going on right now, and the waste of a life. Do you have anything to lose by fighting it?

 

I have never had professional help i dont think i can cause i dont want anyone to know that i am depressed. i dont want people thinking differently about me. and even though i just got this job i wanna quit right now and i dont know why i just have this huge urge to quit.

 

What will quitting achieve?

If you get professional help, the only people that would have to know is your doctor, and any professional he refers you to (if he refers you to someone). Anyone else only needs to be told if/when you want them to know.

What bothers you about people thinking differently? How do you think they might think if they find out you are ill?

Are you scared of having professional help?

Most likely, if you go to the docs, then s/he will talk to you about the different things they can do to help you get better, like therapy, or meds. You will remain in control.

 

I have noticed that just because things are on the up and up. Does not mean you can escape these feelings that easily. I have been having that problem myself. I am working to make my life better and it is slowly getting better. But I am still hammered by depression and suicidal tendencies.

I wonder if I will ever be able to escape them? All we can do is try right?

 

I have a doctor but i dont know how to contact her my mother always handeld all my appointments i have ever had plus i havent seen her in over 9 years. i dont know how to make appointments plus its hard when my parents always ask me where i am going. even if i do see my doctor i am on my parents insurance so they will know that i saw her and i will have to explain why. i wanna get professional help but i just dont want anyone to know cause i dont want them looking down on me or to treat me any differently. I broke down this morning and started crying on my way to work the thoughts just hit me so hard that the little part of me that wants to stay alive just to see how things turn out almost broke i just dont know how much longer i can take this i hate it.