Things aren't getting better

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SarahB, Oct 20, 2010.

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  1. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    and I really believe they never will, they never have before

    I haven't been around much, but I really haven't gotten any better from when I first came here

    I haven't eaten much, thoughts are still racing through my head, stressing me out and making me paranoid.. I'm still conflicted by what I should do regarding the guy who did this to me.. I could really get him in major trouble.. but then I have to consider never seeing him again
    I could tell his new girl that he's pretty much cheating on her too

    Everything is just confusing me, and my mind can't even think straight anymore, its so full of thoughts, bad ones

    and my parents are just making it worse.. saying I'm no better than my criminal sister, just for being ill or wanting to die

    I feel low and I'm tired of faking a smile, tired of false hope
    it's why I really force myself to sleep with pills. I really hope my poor medical condition and illnesses take me
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know yo u feel lost hurt but move on okay to someone who will care for you in a positive way He is a user don't be used again okay learn your lesson and move on to class okay don't stay where you are find someone who truly deserves you.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sorry that you are suffering so much.

    can you see a councilor? do you thing you could get some medical treatment?

    do you want to talk about what this guy did?
  4. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    Hey, hun. I can see you're deeply hurt, people don't seem to help you at all. Words are just words right now, and maybe it won't help you so much...

    But what I want you to think about is that someday someone will really love you. And it can start with you. It's hard (omg, it is REALLY hard), but you'll find strenght enough, you'll see.

    Don't let the opinion of your parents break you down. Everybody's always saying things they shouldn't, or because they don't think about it, or because they believe they're right.

    Everything has its correct time.

    Take care, ok? And try to make yourself happy with something you enjoy doing. Look at you in the mirror and give yourself a big smile. You'll realize one day you're worth of great things.

  5. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    It's not just him.. it just seems like everything in my life is just non stop bad luck.. and I'm worn down and tired of it

    I tried a councilor, they didn't help, all the doctors around here are idiots and don't do anything to help me medically

    what he did to me? I've said it a lot, and people are probably tired of hearing it, but to be blunt, and maybe too harsh, but he pretty much raped me. not.. quite physically.. but mentally, and emotionally, that's what a lot of people have summed it up for me. if you want to hear the whole story, just find my topics..

    I am hurt.. and I still keep getting hurt, and I dont want to deal with it.. its not that people dont help me, I do listen.. its just, so much more harder

    I know people love me, and I know people want me to get better.. I've tried but I just cant. no matter how many times I get knocked down, I got back up, but it's happened so many times I dont have the strength or will to get back up anymore

    I tried not to let my parents get to me.. but its just.. they're my parents, I cant help but get upset when they say crap like that.. it makes me feel so low that they would say that I'm not better than a criminal

    I know I was good, all I ever did was help people, so it just hurts that so many people would hurt me.. it makes me feel like I've done wrong when I dont even know what I did.. but I'll try to do things.. its just a lot of the time when I do the thoughts that get to me creep up on me, I couldnt even go out this last weekend without breaking down and crying

    but thank you all so much for your words
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    a lot of councilors really suck, and so do doctors.

    there are capable ones out there though, so maybe you could try to see someone who is better? or group therapy?
    I know, its so hard to keep trying.

    I'm thinking that maybe if there is something that gives you joy in life, or something that you really believe in, that could help motivate you.

    In a strange way, for me, knowing how much suffering there is in the world is a motivator. I have to try to get my own life on track so that I can help other people.

    I also realize that there can be a lot of happiness and good things in life, but for some reason that's just not as strong a motivator.

    For me, I have to believe that there is karma, or some sort of justice in the world or otherwise I would go insane. Believing in karma (I know I can't prove it) makes me feel like maybe amid all the madness of the world that the universe is fundamentally good thing, and it's just a matter of time before the good things come along.

    well anyway, that has helped me.

    I hope that you feel better.

    I love you sister!
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