things aren't going to well for me and I can almost swear to suicide as the only option out. I don't know what it is maybe the devil wants my soul. Everything I try to do to aleviate my pain fails. Too many doors are closing. Meaning that I have to confront every morning with the same shit and I don't want to sign up for more bs. I have a lot of anger, i am desperate, i just want to take all this hopelesness and destroy myself. I can't take it anymore. I wish I could strangle myself with my own hands, just squeeze the life out myself. I hate myself. I just have to plan it out and leave the fear aside. Life is nothing more than garbage. I really hope a car runs over me. Maybe I should take risks. Or just drug myself till the end. Right now, I am really angry. I am angry at god for just sitting there with his arms crossed, looking down satisfied of my demonds. I don't think he exists. Im not going to pray anymore. I give up. That's it for me. I'm tired of running in circles, this steep hill without end. I am drowning in my own biles. If only I could rip my veins from my skin with my own nails. If only a stray bullet could target me. I HATE MY LIFE. I hate those who made me, I should have been aborted and I hate the universe for dictating my first breaths. I've made stupid mistakes. Mistakes which lead me to this miserable life. I can't turn back and fix things. Now I am drowning in this unsatisfying life for more than four years without a change AND I AM SICK OF IT. One day, I know...I will have the courage.