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things aren't going well for me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mars, Sep 1, 2009.

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  1. Mars

    Mars New Member

    things aren't going to well for me and I can almost swear to suicide as the only option out. I don't know what it is maybe the devil wants my soul. Everything I try to do to aleviate my pain fails. Too many doors are closing. Meaning that I have to confront every morning with the same shit and I don't want to sign up for more bs. I have a lot of anger, i am desperate, i just want to take all this hopelesness and destroy myself. I can't take it anymore. I wish I could strangle myself with my own hands, just squeeze the life out myself. I hate myself. I just have to plan it out and leave the fear aside. Life is nothing more than garbage. I really hope a car runs over me. Maybe I should take risks. Or just drug myself till the end. Right now, I am really angry. I am angry at god for just sitting there with his arms crossed, looking down satisfied of my demonds. I don't think he exists. Im not going to pray anymore. I give up. That's it for me. I'm tired of running in circles, this steep hill without end. I am drowning in my own biles. If only I could rip my veins from my skin with my own nails. If only a stray bullet could target me. I HATE MY LIFE. I hate those who made me, I should have been aborted and I hate the universe for dictating my first breaths. I've made stupid mistakes. Mistakes which lead me to this miserable life. I can't turn back and fix things. Now I am drowning in this unsatisfying life for more than four years without a change AND I AM SICK OF IT. One day, I know...I will have the courage.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know you're angry, but please, stay and talk. Or vent; why do you hate yourself so much? What makes you so angry?

    Here if you feel like talking.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Anger is such a self destructive emotion. It holds you hostage almost until you can find a way to let it out. Some people hurt others, or themselves. Please dont do that. Keep posting hun. Put words to your anger here and get it all out. Maybe when we know a little more about what has made you so angry at the world we can help you through this. You arent alone. There are wonderful members here that will help any way they can.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Wow im glad you got that off your chest. Scream some more if it helps it always helps me. Can you contact you therapist book ealier appt to talk or maybe see if you can get meds changed a bit. What has got you so dam mad life yeh we are all pissed of with this life but the only way to deal with it is trying to hang on Each day will give us something different to look at maybe tommorrw life will be easier maybe a new face new help I hope you can get help to deal with all this anger maybe anger management will help. Until then yell and scream it out here because it helps okay Keep venting all you want we are here to listen
  5. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    You know, Mars, you're way too hard on yourself about these "mistakes". I mean, there isn't anything wrong with what you did, just normal human activity.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Mars, how are you doing today?
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