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things arent good

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by _Lily_, Mar 29, 2011.

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  1. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Things arent good at the moment , I am an alcoholic ,I go to AA meetings and have a sponsor.
    My husband is more or less threating to leave me if i drink and right now i am craving whiskey , my husband would rather that i would cut myself than drink how fucked up is that?
    I am doing what am told to do going to AA meetings taking my medication at the right times and i feel like am being treated like am a criminal.
    My sponsor wants me to brake contact with my mother at the moment because my mother puts me down a lot and really had a go at me the other day saying that i am lazy because i dont work and have a disability. I have to tell my mother am an alcoholic and tell her to go to al alon or i will stop all contact with her.
    WTF ?? i dont want to do that. My mum maybe a bitch but she is going blind ,she has lost one daughter due to a family fall out and dont see her grandkids because my sister wont let her see them .

    I like my sponsor she is really nice other wise but her saying i have to do this is making me think again about her being my sponsor

    I feel very suicidal at the moment because of this and mentally not so good
    I have blades beside me and i want to use them to cut my wrists unsure weather that is to kill myself or to just self injure

    I want a fucking drink i need a fucking drink and no one gives a fuck
  2. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    with addictions it gets worse before it gets better, but then afterwards the reward is sweet as sugar. and youll be like whisky? fuck whisky and it will be awesome
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you want stability you want control don't let the bottle control you okay
  4. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    What are you taking for your alcohol addiction? From what I understand, there is medication for it that is supposed to help stop the cravings. So I'm guessing either you're not on that kind of medicine or the doctor needs to up the dosage?

    Truthfully, I know she's your mother, but it would be a smart idea to keep your distance if she's messing you up that badly. My mom has been upsetting the shit out of me every time I talk to her on the phone lately, but she's my mother. Besides my fiance, she's all I have. The only other person who cares about me, and I love her to death. But I'd call her every day, only to hear the same insults and bullshit every time. One day, when she made me cry for like an hour after I hung up with her, my fiance suggested that maybe I should skip a day or two and not call her. Knowing my mom, when you suddenly don't call her, she'll accuse you of hating her, and I didn't want her to think I'm doing it because I don't care. But, it hurt so bad that I decided to just keep a little distance and I talk to her a bit less now. And to be honest, it's been working. She hasn't said anything too degrading in a while. You have to protect yourself...if talking to somebody makes you mentally deteriorate it's worth it to reevaluate what you're doing and think of some better options. Your health is important.

    As for your husband, no doubt he shouldn't be condoning your drinking...but threatening to leave is too extreme. He needs to let you know he's there for you, give you his support and comfort. Tell him that threatening you is a bad approach to the situation and makes you feel bad. Like I said, there are other ways to express concern for something...through love and support, not the threat of abandonment. And saying that he'd rather you cut is also ridiculous. Both behaviors are destructive. Neither should be done. Neither is better than the other. What you need is to learn some distress tolerance skills (you can do this with a therapist, or buy a self-help book, etc.) rather than engaging in dangerous behaviors, and it doesn't help that your husband doesn't give the right support either, so I encourage that you talk to him about that. Tell him what makes you feel bad and tell him not to do those things.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2011
  5. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Am not taking anything .. my dr dont know that am a alcoholic ...i have an appointment with her in a few weeks

    My husband is going to al alon its a group for family and spouses of alcoholics and he is finding it helpful

    I think my husband dont know what to do about this all he said last night that he wouldnt leave but said that its putting a strain on our relationship

    I ended up cutting last night nothing really bad as i dont cut really badly
    and i still feel suicidal at the moment
    Am going to an AA meeting today hopefully it helps
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Not condoning what your husband has said but it's probably his way of coping with the situation. He probably doesn't understand what to do in the situation. Is it possible you can get to your docs sooner than a few weeks. You need to get your liver checked and also your levels of vitamin b and thiamine. There are drugs available which may help make things a bit easier. There's ones that will stop craving and ones that if you do will make you sick. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal if it's not properly monitored. Please get emergency appointment at your docs. X
  7. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    You should definitely take some medication for your alcohol addiction. You said you were taking your medications on time, so I figured you may already be on something. But if not, you should consider it. It can help. Suboxone can be used to control alcohol cravings. My fiance uses it to control cravings for opiates, but it can be used for both. You should ask your doctor about it if she doesn't suggest anything herself when you go see her.

    That's good that your husband is going to group therapy...it shows initiative to try to understand what you're going through (if he's doing it for that reason). Shows he cares. But I still think he should choose his words a bit more carefully. Saying that your problem is putting a strain on the relationship is unnecessary and only makes you feel bad. It's understandable that mental illness puts a strain on any romantic relationship...my Borderline Personality Disorder makes my fiance's life hell sometimes, I'm sure. But he never tells me that, just shows his support and tries to help where he can. I know that not everybody knows how to deal with these types of things effectively...like you said, he may not know what to do or say about all of this. But that's where the group comes in. He should be learning how to help you, not just himself. There are certain things that you just shouldn't say to someone with a mental illness, and that's one of them. Either he's with you for the long haul, through thick and thin, or he's not. It's not easy, but people who love each other tough it out through these kinds of things.

    Anyway, if you get the medication I mentioned, or something similar, then you may not need to cut anymore to feel better. It's worth a shot.
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