Things dont ever change...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Jun 7, 2011.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    I am so fucking sick of everything being the way it always has been. I have been looking for a career since I was 14 years old.

    I need some financial security and I need a house of my own and I need to live either alone or with someone who does not daily send me into a fit.

    I see no comfort... i tried to take comfort in my grades but that is wearing off... and there is the giant * buy it that I have never taken a full load of classes.

    My hobbies will only do so much...

    I love my family... but some are convinced it is not a problem, some only offer faith based solutions when that faith failed me, others try to shove me back into medications which also failed me

    If I am set off this easily I will never be happy...

    I am sick of working for a relative that is senile and at times stubborn to the point of stupidity. I love him like a father, and know his intentions are better then 99.9999% of people who have ever lived... but actions do not match the intentions and while a great family member is a really shitty boss...

    I am sick of working 2x as hard as others at school...

    Above all else I am sick of being dependent... I know of no one in the history of the world who by the age of 22 (which i am fast approaching) did not have there career planned out.


    If I searched for 8 years for a career with not a bit of luck how the hell am I supposed to believe it will ever get better?

    Why the hell do worthless pieces of shit get so much talent and I get shit?

    I cant stand this anymore... every time I am sent to work without good tools for the job I want to die, every time I wake up and realize there is no future, I want to die every time I get up and without any respect to my internal clock get my day ruined whit the damned to do lists, (not that I have any issues doing my chores, but I am such a non morning person that i don't have the energy to handle being nagged at).

    I need that damned career... if i had that hings may be fixed. I will never have friends, I will never have a woman... If I had a job I liked that paid enough to distract myself I could rot out my days without hurting anyone with my death.... but without it... why did i not (voluntarily method edit) today when I had the chance
     
  2. kuriheartsyou

    kuriheartsyou Member

    Do you have any college degrees or even a high school diploma? That usually tends to make an astronomical difference in who wants to hire you.

    My boyfriend, who is 21, is in a sort of the same position what with living at home with his family still. The difference is that they treat him like an unwanted piece of trash; he works barely over minimum wage in a GameStop he's been working in for 2 years and only ever got promoted once, which was recently. He's a lot like you, maybe even worse off, but he knows he can grit his teeth and bear it because he knows he'll get out eventually.

    Can you not do the same? Of course things could get better as long as you don't wallow in self-pity and try to focus more on how life will be if you give it a little more time to set things straight for you.

    About the no friends - do you have a phobia of people or do you just tend to shy away from them?
     
  3. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    No...

    i am wanted by my family and that is the damned problem... if it was not for them I could end it all without any remorce.

    I have never worked outside the family and the thought of working a job taht is not a career when I dont have a fucking thing of my own to be happy about is triggering in itself.

    There is no way out.... best I can ever hope to be is a leech.
     
  4. tabb

    tabb Member

    random im also 22 i have worked since i was 16 but am currently unemployed i have almost lost my gf due to no job i depend on her for everythin only thing is truely mine is my truck i have been working on starting a carrer since i was bout 16 also i know it seems bad and everythin but sometimes u have to wait for the best of things to come to u no good success is truely appreciated until u go tru heck to get there
     
  5. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Every time I have a good moment in life it is offset by major shit....

    What the fuck do I even try for anymore Last night was the first time I saw hope for other areas in life changing... but another shitty day of work, getting no peace at home it became clear that without a career path I am nothing... why the hell cant i figure this out so other stuff came fall into place?
     
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