"The pain will go" It's a lie. The pain doesn't go and everyday I wake up and I'm reminded with that cruel truth that she is no longer here. Every day that goes by I feel so incredibly empty. The family just doesn't feel like a family anymore. When she died a part of me went and I feel as if I'm never going to get over this. I loved her so much, and I still do. I can't sleep at night because I end up crying and I wonder if there really is this place called 'heaven' and if she is watching me and if she watching me then would she be disappointed? Would she still love me? It pains me a great deal to think I have let her down. The last days of her being alive keep flashing through my head, the last time I seen her. The doctor told me it was pretty much touch and go and I had to stay in her office for a few minutes for me to be able to stop crying. That evening I left the hospital and my boyfriend told me the first 24 hours of someone being in hospital are critical and he was right. They were. And that was the last evening I seen her alive. I can't get over her death. I can't move on. I want to be with her.
Things get easier?
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All I know for sure is that it CAN get easier. Nothing is written in stone, you don't have to suffer for the rest of your life. You MAY, but its not guaranteed. I haven't gone through what you have and I commend you, I am a very very very emotionally weak person, I probably would have commited suicide by now if I were in your position.
I just know that the pain doesn't have to be permanent, it can get better. It may not, but there is hope.
I just know that the pain doesn't have to be permanent, it can get better. It may not, but there is hope.
resistance, it may not be as close of a relationship, but one of my best friends died this year, and all of our buddies (practically family) mourned over it for some time. he was the brother of another one of my best friends and it still is an emotional subject for him. earlier today i was reminded of his voice and it brought a very weird, nostalgic feeling. but the best we can do is keep him in our hearts and try to find the humorous and adventurous times we had when he was alive. i'm not completely understanding of his brother's thoughts about the whole thing, but we often mention of past experiences as if nothing bad had ever happened, even though we all know it did. i dont know if this helps you, but i do know that time will. yeah yeah, i dont have patience either, but maybe you should just try to focus on other things. and i didnt know her, but i think that she would want you to be happy, and not so focused on her. please feel better. maybe, for me if not for yourself?:hug:
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