"The pain will go" It's a lie. The pain doesn't go and everyday I wake up and I'm reminded with that cruel truth that she is no longer here. Every day that goes by I feel so incredibly empty. The family just doesn't feel like a family anymore. When she died a part of me went and I feel as if I'm never going to get over this. I loved her so much, and I still do. I can't sleep at night because I end up crying and I wonder if there really is this place called 'heaven' and if she is watching me and if she watching me then would she be disappointed? Would she still love me? It pains me a great deal to think I have let her down. The last days of her being alive keep flashing through my head, the last time I seen her. The doctor told me it was pretty much touch and go and I had to stay in her office for a few minutes for me to be able to stop crying. That evening I left the hospital and my boyfriend told me the first 24 hours of someone being in hospital are critical and he was right. They were. And that was the last evening I seen her alive. I can't get over her death. I can't move on. I want to be with her.