Things happen

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cestmoi, Mar 24, 2007.

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  1. Cestmoi

    Cestmoi Well-Known Member

    I didn't think I would post here,

    A few years ago I suffered from social phobia. Basically I couldn't stop thinking what other people's opinions of me were, and got depressed over those imaginary opinions.

    I got through this by adopting an attitude of not caring. For anything and anyone. At the core of this new philosophy was the idea that whenever I felt I didn't wish to go on, I would put an end to it all.

    But actually through not caring everything seemed to turn for the good. Including me starting to flirting several girls. I wished for nothing and yet it seemed I was getting everything I could ever wish for.

    Now the things is, I actually started caring about a girl. One I met through an mmo. Perhaps the lack of closer contact led me to deifying her, I don't know. I ended up virtually begging her to meet. Now, eventually we did meet, but she seems to have no interest in me whatsoever.

    I conclude that what they say about the results of caring and not caring for a girl as to losing/winning her, are absolutely correct.

    I am the definition of depression at the moment. As a man who did not care, I had no reason to live, but no reason to kill myself either. Now, however, when I 'm choking in bitterness and regrets, there seems to be only one way out.
     
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