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THINGS IN COMMON

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Alwayswrong

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#1
After reading (not so) many posts, I keep seeing that we all feel unworthy of living, tired, worn out, useless, unloved, mistreated, ... and I'm wondering:WHO DECIDES HALF OF THE HUMAN RACE IS TO BE CONSIDERED TRASH? THE OTHER HALF???? WHO GAVE THEM THE HONOR OF DECIDING WHO IS WORTH LIVING? WHERE IS IT WRITTEN?
This reminded me of Torres García's Inverted America map: in the space there's no "up" or "down", then America could likewise be seen this way: Screenshot_2018-02-24-20-18-44-1.png
 

AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#2
Right and wrong are merely social constructs. In other words, they don't really exist. And those of us who can see that, get looked down upon by those who can't. Thinking for yourself has been considered the worst thing one can possibly do for centuries.
 

Sunday16

Well-Known Member
#3
We decide for ourselves we're unworthy and other people sense it, believe it and perpetuate it. We have to respect ourselves before anyone else will. The problem is when we're depressed it's hard to treat ourselves with respect. It can turn into a vicious cycle: I'm depressed, I don't like myself, others don't like me, this makes me more sad, people pull further away from me, I sink deeper into my depression, and so on.

@AsphyxiateOnWords is right and it's a delicate balance to think for yourself without "offending" someone else. But it can be done. You can think for yourself, you just don't have to share all those thoughts.
 

JmpMster

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#4
After reading (not so) many posts, I keep seeing that we all feel unworthy of living, tired, worn out, useless, unloved, mistreated, ... and I'm wondering:WHO DECIDES HALF OF THE HUMAN RACE IS TO BE CONSIDERED TRASH? THE OTHER HALF???? WHO GAVE THEM THE HONOR OF DECIDING WHO IS WORTH LIVING? WHERE IS IT WRITTEN?
This reminded me of Torres García's Inverted America map: in the space there's no "up" or "down", then America could likewise be seen this way: View attachment 6322

It seems from reading tens of thousands of posts the people deciding that they are worthless or of less value are most often themselves, and then they continue to project that onto both themselves and others for years and years.

That is not to say that bad thing do not happen, bullies are not real, there are not mean people saying rude things- it happens to absolutely everyone at different times- but some people let the rude thing or mean thing said in a week ruin a month or 6 months years, and cling to the bad, search out and only focus on the bad, within themselves and others. It is not just the bad things that happen that determine our lives course- it is even more so how we react to those things that has the most dramatic effect on our lives course .

So who give the right- most often we give ourselves the right apparently. And if any dare suggest differently it is loudly and vocally argued against and made clear that anybody who thinks they can be more or could do better, are better than they say they are are wrong and do not understand. You are looking outward blaming the other half of the world for what one half believes about themselves while the other half is too busy living.
 
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AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#6
It seems from reading tens of thousands of posts the people deciding that they are worthless or of less value are most often themselves, and then they continue to project that onto both themselves and others for years and years.

That is not to say that bad thing do not happen, bullies are not real, there are not mean people saying rude things- it happens to absolutely everyone at different times- but some people let the rude thing or mean thing said in a week ruin a month or 6 months years, and cling to the bad, search out and only focus on the bad, within themselves and others. It is not just the bad things that happen that determine our lives course- it is even more so how we react to those things that has the most dramatic effect on our lives course .

So who give the right- most often we give ourselves the right apparently. And if any dare suggest differently it is loudly and vocally argued against and made clear that anybody who thinks they can be more or could do better, are better than they say they are are wrong and do not understand. You are looking outward blaming the other half of the world for what one half believes about themselves while the other half is too busy living.
As much as I wholly respect you as an individual due to the helpful responses you've given to me over the years, I must say that I think you're not looking at the entire picture here. You're technically right about what you're saying, but you're missing an important piece of the puzzle.

Yes, we are the ones who decide that we are worthless, but we're also not at fault for it. We decide we're worthless because people made us feel worthless. For many of us, this started in childhood. As children, most of us merely do what we're told to do, think what we're told to think, and feel how we're told to feel (or pretend that we do). We don't have the authority nor the cognitive ability to choose to do anything different. As we grow, we keep repeating the same patterns because our brains quickly adapt to those behaviors, thought patterns, and emotions until they become a part of us. It's human nature to find some sort of meaning in every single thing we see, do, and hear, as well as the things we see others doing. That meaning is what we call our values and beliefs, such as, "I am worthless."

"I am worthless." will then stem from those values and beliefs, which were created by the very thought patterns and emotions that we had since we were children. Once they are there, our brains will cling onto all of these negative thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs in order to derive the meaning that it was meant to derive from our experiences and environment. And once it clings to those things, it will not let them go easily. Thus, the continued self-destructive, or just generally destructive, behaviors follow suit. It feels damn near impossible to change these behaviors. And scientifically speaking, it really is damn near impossible because our brain refuses to let them go.

Now, "damn near" impossible is not the same as completely impossible. Psychologists have just recently discovered that it actually is possible to rewire our brain, so to speak. But it's also extremely difficult and takes time.

Your post seems to imply that it is completely our fault that we think we are worthless, and it's not. At all. It's the fault of those who mistreated us when we were children, as well as...well, biology. But having said that, even though it's not our fault, it is always our responsibility to do something about it. As difficult as it is to change the way we think, feel, and behave, it's possible with a lot hard work, and absolutely necessary if we ever want to stop having to feel miserable. We didn't have the choice of how others behaved towards us, nor how it made it feel, nor the way our brains were intended to work. But we do always have the choice to change that.
 

Alwayswrong

Well-Known Member
#7
I'm wondering:WHO DECIDES HALF OF THE HUMAN RACE IS TO BE CONSIDERED TRASH? THE OTHER HALF???? WHO GAVE THEM THE HONOR OF DECIDING WHO IS WORTH LIVING? WHERE IS IT WRITTEN?
Dear @AsphyxiateOnWords, what I was trying to say is exactly what you're saying. It was not our fault. And we can relearn to ser ourselves in a different way from the one we were taught.
Maybe it's because English is not my native language.
That's why I put the map: to try to show that we were taught to feel worthless but we can reverse this.
Thank you very much for letting me know I was not clear in my post.
 

AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#8
Dear @AsphyxiateOnWords, what I was trying to say is exactly what you're saying. It was not our fault. And we can relearn to ser ourselves in a different way from the one we were taught.
Maybe it's because English is not my native language.
That's why I put the map: to try to show that we were taught to feel worthless but we can reverse this.
Thank you very much for letting me know I was not clear in my post.
Your English is fine. I understood what you meant :) Was only referring to Ben's post when saying that.
 
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