Things just haven't gone well...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rkmnd, Apr 12, 2013.

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  1. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    I'm disappointed in my life. I'm almost thirty, I'm single, I have a terrible social life, a non-existent love life, and it's pretty much been that way my whole life. I have no real life friends, and only a few online ones, all of which I seem to bore or annoy more than anything. I fell for someone last November, online of course... Ever since then, I have been nothing but a spiral down of depression... You would think this would be a good thing, but no, as with everything else, there has to be a terrible catch. She's 17....I don't even know what she looks like, she could of been 40+ and I wouldn't of cared, it was just the personality I fell for. Being that, I can't even try, I won't be that kinda person...

    Between my jobs hours, the town I live in, and my ineptitude in social skills, I can't seem to get anywhere...I just spend everyday trying to figure out a purpose, and I can't find any that are even reachable anymore. I'm not a good looking person, even when I was in great shape, I never received a compliment, I'm already going bald, and I really am not skilled at anything. Just to give an idea of how bad it is, that person I mentioned above, is the first person I've fallen for since I've left school... I just look at myself now, and I see nothing but regrets. I've always been responsible, payed my bills, did what i should of, I've never even been even pulled over, clean record, I own my car, I am buying a house, which was a big mistake.., and I'm decent with money, yet all I've seemed to accomplish is miss out on life.

    I know what I should do, but I have no self esteem, or confidence in myself, and in my current state, rejection wouldn't go well. It all just seems too much, I've failed to achieve even the basic aspects of life.
  2. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you feel like this. I can really relate to what you wrote. I, too, have no friends nor social skills. Where I live, having connexions is vital to move forward in life. I live in a country where nepotism and favoritism towards friends can put you wherever you want, and I mean wherever.

    A few days ago, I overheard my dad saying that here people who don't talk and don't have friends are a failure (I supposed he was talking about me), so I was really sad, but I also know he's right.

    I understand that you feel life sucks, but you never know what tomorrow could bring. Maybe you'll find a new purpose in life, maybe you'll find the meaning of YOUR life. The loneliest people are the kindest; the saddest people smile the brightest; the most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.
  3. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member


    i'll remember that, justastrangegirl. something to take in to acount.. i think you're right- in fact... maybe you can use that for your signature at the bottom?. just a thought.

    to the original poster, well, i'm sorry that you feel like that.. i don't really have any advice for you, because i feel much the same about having failed life- and you know, it's such a horrible feeling... i think what usually hits me the hardest is reading about other people's successes- sure i'm happy for them, but even the basic things... you knoww, something simple like- i attended my high school graduation and got loads of certificates, well i didn't even get to graduate.. i know that probably sounds the most petty thing, but it really is for me something big.

    social wise, i agree too. put me in a room with a person, and i'd not know what to do- how to start the conversation, nothing. i have no real friends- none.

    the telephone's out, as i've a phobia of phones- a really intense one

    online wise.. it's usually my MI that makes sure that friendships online never last long- maybe a few weeks at the most. and that sucks too...

    i could go on forever (but i won't!)- simply because the forum will log me out and i'll get frustrated


    emily xx
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    something i forgot to say... i know their was something:)

    you say you know what to do but don't have any self esteem, well me to.

    well, slight correction- i don't have any idea what i want to do with my life, but i know that each 1 of us needs to find something we like doing, something we're good at, something to keep us going

    it's just finding it that's usually the problem
  5. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    Thank you justastrangegirl, I'm by no means optimistic at this point, but that's a really uplifting thing to say...I feel really selfish complaining about these things. I know I am better off than many...there are many people even on these boards that would think I'm an idiot. I've just been in this rut too long. The worst part is, I was content for so long with this...a few years ago, I was a loner, I enjoyed being "free", not having to worry about social problems, being in complete control. When I finally felt the feeling I just woke me up to how much of a fool I've been. I can blame people, and there were things out of my control....but I had the capabilities to make this not so back then. Now I see myself so far gone, so little experienced. The task just seems insurmountable... I do appreciate the kind words, I really have no one to talk to, and just letting it out helps, and friendly comments help alot...

    I really have to agree with you, emily, some of the most somber moments are just looking at what you missed... I go out, and see a young couple holding hands, I never did that, I never had a highschool sweetheart, or anything that would even really be called a relationship. When I see others, be them what I missed when I was younger, or them , happily's just emptiness. At the very least, though I certainly wish this on no one, it just feels good to not be alone. As for my life....I really don't know what I want to do, but I need a change of scenery...but I bought a house because I'm a fool... Now I'm kinda trapped under a mortgage. If I could just go somewhere else, like a city, where maybe I had some people I had something in common with...I'm pretty much a computer geek/gamer...I've just always enjoyed working on them...but no one my age, no one does it. Everyone are just poor, simple country people around here, they don't care about electronics...and I mostly don't care about fishing/hunting/drinking/farm work, etc. Nothing in common leads to nothing to really talk about...which kinda makes getting to know people hard, especially when I am as bad as I am with socializing.

    Thank you both for your means alot. When I just sit here thinking to myself, I just spiral into depression, the thoughts just get darker, and worse...just being able to talk with others help. I wish both of you luck with your issues,
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member


    you bring up another good point- a very valid one actually

    you were talking about finding common interest with others, but where you live it's hard because you're not interested in fishing, farming, that kind of thing.

    well, for me, i too love computers. playing games, posting to my forums, reading emails... it's my connection to the world

    so i think for me, that is also a factor of why i don't reall have any friends- i don't go out, i don't have the experience that many people around me have.... everyone has been to colledge, got a good job, hang out with others, have a boyfriend/ girlfriend, at least in my area.. everyone seems to be happy and content with their lives

    so with me- someone comes up to me and says, so what did you study at school, what job do you want to do, what are your interests... i simply have nothing to say- just nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, kind of makes people think.... uh...... what's the point talking to her- you know?

    it's a little like you... where as you're not interested in farming and fishing etc, for me.. i'm interested and want to do these things, i just have lots of things preventing me from doing it, their for.. it makes everything hard- and common ground difficult to find

    thanks for bringing that up

    emily xx
  7. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Look at this way - there are people way worse than you. I just turned 50. I have no life. No friends, no woman, can't get a woman anymore, have nothing. No plans, nothing to do. Not like I haven't tried, I'm just made to be a loser. So remember, when you think you have it bad, keep in mind there are others far worse. You're still very young and have potential. Remember that.
  8. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    That was probably one of my biggest reasons why....I never got a college degree. Thinking back just isn't helping of my biggest problems is, the more I'm alone, the more I think back and feel worse....the past can't be changed, I stuck how I am. Just how do I move forward from here...I just feel trapped. The last day or so I've felt alot better, but this has been one continuous cycle of feeling a little hope, things seem to get better, than I just crash right back to where I was. I know things can be much worse...but when you're in one of those moments of weakness, it could be something completely stupid, or a life crises, it ends up all being the same...I need to figure out a solution before I get sucked back into that mindset again, it feels as if my will and mental stability as a whole get weaker with each breakdown...

    It's abit of irony I've always carried with me...I swear, it seems anytime I've thought ill of something, or the way someone feels, I end up either personally feeling such a feeling, or witnessing it up close. I always thought people were fools, or even cowards to want to end it. I certainly can say I understand depression and such feelings more so. If I don't let it get me, maybe I can turn this whole ordeal around, I just see this being far from over though.
  9. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm always here if you need someone to talk to :)

    I feel like we're too similar. I have NOTHING in common with people of my own age or people in general here. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs and I don't like talking about other people's lives. I believe this "weirdness" of mine is what's keeping me alone, but I don't want to change who I am, nor do things I know are wrong in order to fit into a sick and degenerate society.

    If you have the opportunity and the means to change your location, and go to a place where you believe is suitable you should go for it :) if you really want a chance to be happy and begin a new life, you have to be sure you can. Everything's in your mind and the attitude you put into it.

    I hope everything works out for you, mate :)
  10. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    I appreciate it.

    It would seem that way, I never did the risky stuff, such as drinking parties, or drugs. Kinda sad some of the stupidest things in life have so much social attachment.

    One of the things I've always felt, is you are who you are. You can always change bad habits, or maybe tweak your personality abit...but when it comes to your core personality, it's just who you are, how you've come together as a person. The fact that people still hate or ridicule each other because they are different shows how primitive we really are still. At least that's what I think...

    ...I've considered moving heavily, but it would hold a sizable risk...but I guess that is part of life.

    Thank you again, I had a rather lousy day, and it helps to be able to chat with someone with such an optimistic tone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 15, 2013
  11. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I would say that thinking back is seldom a good practice for anybody - but particularly if you are concerned with the future. As you pointed out - you cannot change what happened or did not happen and it tends to lead to depression - either for the things you never did, the things you cannot do anymore, or the things that are gone. The only reason for memory is to learn what to do different next time and now.

    Instead of concerns for the things you cannot do and things you do not have in common make plans. Small even - "I will walk in the park for an hour today and say hello to 3 strangers and keep walking" - in 3 weeks they will be saying hello to you and asking how are you as they continue - and then it will not be strangers. And you will have something in common - walking in the park.

    The actual "what" small thing does not matter in the least - but if you do "nothing" than it will be very hard to find anything in common with people doing things....Even talking on here is a start in doing something for finding people and learning social skills -- you took a great first step without even knowing it - that is something to be pleased with for today....

    Take Care and Be Safe

  12. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    Everything I need to do in a nutshell. I had some severe anxiety issues peak a few years ago, and after much work, I was able to finally deal with it after pretty much my whole life, and since then, I was able to come a little out of my hole. I was pretty much completely uninterested in anyone too that point... I've tried to socialize to an extent. I would force myself to try and talk to people, the whole works. Still, just making eye contact with someone I don't know, especially if I find them attractive is overwhelming at times. I try to greet, talk, be friendly, smile, but if anything goes wrong, it just destroys my self esteem, and I stumble back. In the coming weeks, I hope to start at a gym with the coming of new work hours. The concept of being around a bunch of people I don't know, while not in the greatest shape is humbling to the least... It sounds like such a simple task, but it won't be easy for me. I don't have high hopes, I may just find myself in the opposite corner of people during slow hours, but it's something.
  13. Percarus

    Percarus Account Closed

    Single and lonely at middle age, here is your solution... Take up dancing classes where you get paired with the opposite sex. Regardless if she (them) are sexually interested or not try to establish long term friendship. Girls know girls, and my reasoning is if you befriend a damsel (preferably a nurse) she (if not suited to say the least) should be able to hook you up with one of her friends or to any girl in public (say in a bar or club). When I was younger it was so much easier to break the ice with a stranger if a friend does it for you who wants nothing to do with it. I am 34 now, am still single, I have no money, but I am still extremelly optimistic about life. So many things can be accomplished in just one year once you stumble into a partner, I am sure of it. I often have the problem that I think I will never be able to make up for lost time, I am sure you do too. Well, guess what, I think we can! You just need a game plan, mine is to attain the job I want and once I accomplish that my confidence will be right up there. Patience is a tactic for a game well played.
  14. MrSpaceBound

    MrSpaceBound Well-Known Member

    I'm approaching 25 and feel similar to yourself, that things just haven't gone well. I have no social life, even when I come close to making friends I mess it up somehow. Not in a relationship and never have been. I also make the mistake of thinking back on past mistakes/missed opportunities and it makes me feel a whole lot worse.

    I know being negative isn't helpful, which is why I try to be as positive as possible, ignoring the past and thinking things can change. It's hard to stay positive but it helps. It's best to keep trying, things may not run smoothly all the time, but the key is to not let this effect you. Easier said than done I know, but I believe it will help.
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