things people say...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by spiritxfade, Jun 20, 2010.

  1. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    I don't like it when people just toss around the words "I'm depressed" and then follow it up with a reason like "My favorite team lost" or "I didn't get the new laptop I wanted". It shouldn't bother me, but it does. It just seems so...I dunno...shallow or something. It's like "there are people out there who are barely getting enough to eat every day and all you can think about is the fact that the Magic didn't win their basketball game?"

    When they just say "ugh, I'm depressed" or "ugh, I want to kill myself" just JOKINGLY or because they're just exaggerating, it makes me feel so...acutely different. I highly doubt that they've ever seriously wanted to kill themselves, and I also doubt that they really know what it's like to be depressed.

    Then I just feel more isolated from everyone else.

    And then, of course, there's my oh-so-sensitive parents. "Only you can pull yourself out of this" Yeah, I know that. I do try. But then things happen and I spiral back down to even farther away from normality than I already was. I'm getting tired of fighting a battle where I lose no matter what I try. And then "As soon as you hit rock bottom, you'll find the willpower to climb back up." Dammit, suicide is my rock bottom, and by then it's too late to change. I need to figure out how to help myself BEFORE I hit rock bottom.

    While I was on vacation, my brother told me to commit suicide twice and planned to kill me about a thousand times in one day. I know he was joking, but that's NOT the kind of thing I need to hear. I know I'm worthless, and I know that I'm not needed, but don't tell me to go kill myself. It was so, so, so tempting to take his advice that day....he doesn't even know, and I'm not going to tell him. He doesn't need to know how fucked up I am.

    Some of these things shouldn't bother me at all. But I can't help but take it to heart and realise how utterly different I am from almost everyone I know, and how entirely.....far down I feel, I guess.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    SpiritXfade, Don't let your brother get to you. He was just kidding. He does sound kind of immature.

    People commit suicide for many reasons. You don't just have to be hungry, destitute, or in physical pain.

    People can commit suicide even if they are billionaires.
    Some because of love or lack of love.
    Some because they can't find meaning in their lives.
    Some because they find happiness elusive.
    Some because they have depressive personalities.
    Some have everything in the world externally, but inside they feel empty and disconnected.
    Some have great disappointments, and no pleasure can get them out of the rut.
    Some are unbearably lonely.
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I make jokes about suicide because it's the only way that I can somewhat express myself around my friends.
  4. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    "While I was on vacation, my brother told me to commit suicide twice and planned to kill me about a thousand times in one day. I know he was joking,"

    It sure as hell not a funny joke. He should know this. You don't have to tell him you're suicidal, but he needs to understand what he's talking about. I'm a little confused on the "planned to kill me" part. :/

    I make suicide jokes, or other things that are absolutely horrible. It helps me cope. But nobody should ever tell another person to kill themselves, joke or not. It's just not funny.
  5. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    I know that there's over a billion reasons out there, but people saying they feel like killing themselves it over a truly trivial reason just....irritates me because they have no idea what it actually feels like.

    I told my brother that it's not funny, but he just laughed it off. I sort of expected that reaction, since I doubt he really understands the concept of suicide, but it still hurt. By the "planning to kill me" he said that he'd set off some explosive on me, shoot me, stab me to death, etc.

    I guess sometimes I joke about suicide too, like when someone says "I'm gonna kill you", I'll just say "sure, go ahead, now I don't have to," but I don't really need people telling me to die at the moment....
  6. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    Just saying....I think the point of what some others are saying is that you actually *dont* know that they are ignorant of suicidal feelings, etc.
    Often when Im my most depressed Im my most calm and friendly. I laugh.
    Ignore brothers. They do horrible things like hang you up in the air by your underwear. And they dont feel the pinch, only see the dorky face you make as reaction. Matter of perspective. If you know he loves you, you know he doesnt mean it, then thats what you need to hear when he teases you, even if he is a bit brutal with his "fun".
    Its also possible to turn those "go off yourself then" kinds of comments in on themselves. It inspires a reaction, and usually a defensive one. Embrace that respons of "Why should I?" or "Why would you say that!?" because thats you recognizing your self and your right to be treated well and your right to live.
    People are horrible with what they say though. I am sorry it hurts but to let you know, everyone who says something that hurts you has been on the recieving end. Not always out of malice, but even through misunderstanding and or ignorance. <3