Things that contribute to suicidal feelings

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DannyBoy, Nov 17, 2010.

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  1. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    Well after a week of being out of inpatient, I can say that I feel myself sadly falling back into the trap of wanting to kill myself.

    The Effexor XR just doesn't seem as effective, but I'll admit to doing everything in my power to test it by being as lazy and inactive as possible. This was a dumb decision by me cause it's hard to break out of this. To make matters worse I'm on 2 different benzos I'm trying to break free of and still on seroquel low dosage. So it's been quite an adventure of a mindfucking.

    Anyhow I'm beginning to realize what I should have realized years ago that Environment > Drugs. usually....I can still get to sleep with the help of drugs, thank god for that. But for years I assumed I could cruise on by with the help of drugs, not the case. Your life is more important.

    So some of the factors leading to this (add some of your own)

    Social isolation (I live at home with parents but our encounters aren't very social) I had lots of social contact at the hospital probably made me happier.

    Lack of stimulation/Anhedonia

    Obsessing and ruminating all day about problems. This is my biggest problem and it's a result of my closed environment. I have every problem you could probably think of...well wait, I'm not crippled in any way physically, but mentally I feel crippled and I've lost control

    Financially I'm in good shape since I don't pay many bills, but I also don't have a place of my own.

    Been on and off probably 10 different p meds this year making me feel even more psychotic.

    Haven't had much of an appetite at all so I'm losing weight and not eating right can really screw you up in many ways.

    Anxiety problems to go along with everything.

    No girlfriend

    Only a couple close friends

    Losing hope
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    loss of self
    loss of family members to suicide
    loss of family to mental illness
    loss of hope
    past msgs
    past failures
    for just a few.
  3. jimmy88

    jimmy88 Well-Known Member

    Good idea for a thread...

    Having cauda equina syndrome (imo, the worst condition resulting from trauma besides quadriplegia and severe brain damage)

    Knowing I'm physically incapable of having sex now (ultimate deal breaker admittedly lol) and therefore can't have a family

    Having the back of a 85 year old when a few of my only joys left was running and fitness

    Knowing my passive and self-inhibiting social behavior (that I've tried desperately to change for years) is forever ingrained in my personality

    Having low self esteem, social anxiety, and a heap of personality and dissociative disorders leading to social isolation

    Knowing the only thing keeping me alive right now is marijauna and the internet

    Thinking of all the times I humiliated myself or let others walk over me (*cringe*)

    Thinking of all the romantic opportunities I passed up because I couldn't get out of my own way, so much disappointment and regret, typical woulda coulda shouldas

    Knowing I'll never be able to prove my father wrong (he's a social butterfly, I'm complete opposite... I soooo wanted to make a picture perfect, successful life for myself and shove it in his face, god damn)

    Having no motivation to return to college (was getting straight A's with a 3.8 gpa but now I dont even wanna continue to pursue my major)

    Having no job (can't return to my manual labor job due to my back)

    Having to pay thousands in student loans (without said job or motivation to follow through in college)

    Knowing I never had any true friends... the few close friends I've had have stabbed me in the back in one form or fashion

    Feeling like I was meant to be miserable, like a tragic character in a movie

    Feeling like suicide is my destiny

    Being at peace with the thought of ceasing to exist

    I could probably go on but I'll stop there...
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 18, 2010
  4. Flying Fox

    Flying Fox Well-Known Member

    Having to major medical conditions at the same time such as:
    Type 1 diabetes
    Paraplegia at T6-7

    Both of which are costly.
    Dealing with both of them and their effects/handicapping while being surrounded by people who don't have to deal with them.
    Being hooked on sleeping pills and ambien.
    Eating a lot.
    Minor self-injuring such as pulling out hair and picking at scabs without feeling you can stop.
    Feeling inadequate, socially inept, marginalized, uninteresting, and not very pretty.
    Having lost the skills/will to draw and write stories (if I had kept up with those to I would probably be relatively good right now but I'm not)
    Looking at photos of old time and of photos of what friends in college are doing.
    Remaining at home and going to the city college while everyone else is elsewhere at Universities.
    Bottling up very long-lived anger without a proper way to defuse it.
    Inability to bond well, if at all.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 18, 2010
  5. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

  6. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Avoidant, schizoid personality disorder

    Total introversion

    Sexual perversions - prostitutes, strippers

    Pyschological impotence

    Can't afford therapist

    Even if I could, therapists do no good

    Starting to hate my job, what I sacrificed four years of school for.

    Food & TV keep me alive; that's about it. Oh, and a good book sometimes. I especially like books about suicide.
  7. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    **********They say you dont want to die, YOU NEED HELP. GAhhhhhhhhH !!!!!!!!
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    loss of child through suicide
    loss of family support due to family 'fallout'
    no friends
    no hope
    no purpose in life
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