Things were looking better.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thingswebelieve, Oct 22, 2009.

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  1. thingswebelieve

    thingswebelieve New Member

    Sorry for how long this will be. I ramble too much. I've been struggling with depression since I was 10, at 20 things finally got too much and I finally made a serious attempt to kill myself. Obviously it didn't work. First thing I did when I woke up at the hospital was laugh cause I was thinking geez, you've failed at life and failed at dying wtf do you do now. What I did was get into therapy and somehow it helped. It's not something I enjoyed but it made a difference, it took a lot of time and work on my part and unfortunately my allocated number of sessions ran up but by then I felt I was alright to deal with things on my own.

    Things went downhill in my life after that but I managed to deal with them. Up until now anyway. I sort of feel like I've already made so much of an effort once and it only lasted a year or so, I don't think I can go through it all again. The history of mental illness in my family is ridiculously long and consistent, it makes me wonder if I'm sort of doomed to be like this forever. Or until I finally end it.

    I'd be lying if I said I really wanted to kill myself right now, but it's looking like the best option to finally put a stop to whatever I've been feeling lately. I think it's being made worse by the fact that I've already put 2 years of my life into trying to fix this and obviously I haven't. I feel like the only way to stop this happening again is to isolate myself from everyone so no one can affect the way I feel, that's not a life worth living to me.

    Has anyone else had this happen before? Where you have done everything you can to help yourself then just had it fall apart?
  2. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Yes, I can relate.

    In my case though I didn't seek help and thought I'd be ok. It lasted a few years... maybe 4. I realise now for most of that time I was actually really down but ignoring it, I had so many things to distract me. Gradually things fell apart and now I'm back at rock bottom, I have no hope for anything and I just don't know what to do any more about it.

    I try to remember that once I was ok and able to smile without faking it. You did it once right? You tried and nearly succeeded, part of life is sometimes things wont always work the way you'd hoped. You just need to remember why you tried in the first place, things can be ok again, even better then that :smile:

    Feel free to PM meeeeee <3
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sometimes it helps to get therapy just to help us cope on the days we are not doing so well can you make an appt with therapist councillor just to help you get started back on the right track. I hope you are continuing to take antidepressants as some of us will be on them for life but if they work why not just like a diabetic needs insulin for life so does some mental illnesses need meds for life. This time around you will be comfortable with talking to therapist try it again as you know it does work so start it now and get feeling better
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