Sorry for how long this will be. I ramble too much. I've been struggling with depression since I was 10, at 20 things finally got too much and I finally made a serious attempt to kill myself. Obviously it didn't work. First thing I did when I woke up at the hospital was laugh cause I was thinking geez, you've failed at life and failed at dying wtf do you do now. What I did was get into therapy and somehow it helped. It's not something I enjoyed but it made a difference, it took a lot of time and work on my part and unfortunately my allocated number of sessions ran up but by then I felt I was alright to deal with things on my own. Things went downhill in my life after that but I managed to deal with them. Up until now anyway. I sort of feel like I've already made so much of an effort once and it only lasted a year or so, I don't think I can go through it all again. The history of mental illness in my family is ridiculously long and consistent, it makes me wonder if I'm sort of doomed to be like this forever. Or until I finally end it. I'd be lying if I said I really wanted to kill myself right now, but it's looking like the best option to finally put a stop to whatever I've been feeling lately. I think it's being made worse by the fact that I've already put 2 years of my life into trying to fix this and obviously I haven't. I feel like the only way to stop this happening again is to isolate myself from everyone so no one can affect the way I feel, that's not a life worth living to me. Has anyone else had this happen before? Where you have done everything you can to help yourself then just had it fall apart?