"things will get better . . . ?"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jake.007, Oct 13, 2016.

  1. jake.007

    jake.007 Member

    i've really never understood why people say that. is it supposed to make someone who is suffering feel better? is it some promise or guarantee that none of us has the power to make? or is it just a thing that people say when they have no idea what else to offer . . . when they cannot give practical or meaningful advice? here's a spoiler alert: sometimes things won't get better. sometimes we have not yet hit rock bottom. there always is still farther we can fall, and things can always get worse. the universe does not owe any of us a "better," so what is the point of make some unenforceable promise to someone in pain. sometimes the choices we make guarantee that things will spiral deeper and deeper into a black hole of misery. and sometimes, as i was informed yesterday, we choose to see everything as bleak and we choose to hate ourselves because that's just easier than trying to change. so please don't promise me that things will get better . . . they won't, not for me. it will all just go on, until it stops.
     
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  2. Heath2016

    Heath2016 Member

    I see your point. Maybe the new phrase should be "Hang in there. Things might get better."

    I disagree that we "choose to hate ourselves". Hate is a feeling and not just a choice. You communicating on a Forum for support is a choice, a good one, and hopefully in the future those types of choices will change your feelings.

    Hang in there. Things might get better.
     
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  3. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    I mean, if you say "hang in there, things might get better" that doesn't really give me a lot of confidence in my future.
    Someone telling me things will get better might be rubbish but it makes me feel a little better, someone saying something like that can help someone a little even if it's not true.
    Just how humans work.
     
  4. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I say that because to me it's truth. I went through more than thirty years of pain, depression, panic and suicide attempts. It took a long time but things did get better for me. I say that to people to try to give them hope, because sometimes you can't give a person any advice - either it's not appropriate, or they can't process it from the pain they are suffering - so you just want to let them know it won't always be this way. It may take a year, or in my case, I only started to feel better around age 43. People said that to me when I was at my worst, and I didn't believe them either.
     
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  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I'd much rather hear the truth than be lied to. Hearing someone say things will get better honestly just pisses me off because I know that person has absolutely no freaking clue whether that's really the case or not and they're saying it just to say it. And being that they don't, in fact, know whether things will get better and they're saying it anyway, it kind of makes me feel like I'm being taken for an idiot. I'd rather hear "It's possible things could get better" because at least there's truth to it. I can look forward to the truth...I can't look forward to a lie.
     
  6. IdontMatter111

    IdontMatter111 Well-Known Member

    I have to say i agree with A.O.M's comments - i dont like being told 'things will get better' because they dont know!! I feel like im being patronised and spoken to like a child or someone of limited intelligence......I am quite aware of how I feel thank you - of the situation I am in and whats going on in my life, and unless you have a magic wand behind your back i fail to see how things are gonna get better......
    Stop patronising me and start supporting me.....stop churning out glib answers like 'you need to be proactive in your recovery (regardless of how crap you feel), otherwise you obviously dont want to get well'......GRRRRRRR.....
     
  7. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I will say that, yes. Sometimes it gets worse. And sometimes things don't happen or work out as we intend or think they will.
    Which can at times both give "false hope" in the means if you think positive and it's not a good outcome or make things worse, in that one will think negative instead of positive.

    But if you keep seeing things in a negative way, it might be difficult to see what good things lies ahead.

    I understand it might be difficult to see that things will get better and if you don't feel like those words will help you.

    But it might get better. Maybe not in the way you'd hope if you think of any specific way it can get better, but something will happen at least. Some day. So hang in there.
     
  8. Nancyh

    Nancyh Member

    I hate those what I consider empty lines. "Hang in there", "things would get better" and "so much to live for" All I can say is that I understand and appreciate there's a safe place to express our thoughts.