Things

[Jess]

Why do we worry so much about how life will turn out so far down the road?

I mean, for example, they drill college after graduating from highschool into our brains the minute we step foot into middle school. We're only 11 or 12 when we first get to middle school yet, BAM college.. which will happen when we're about 17 or 18. Do we really need 7 years to prepare for college? Is it that big of a deal in life? I know it's important. but it basically becomes what defines us in life. Whether you go to college or not. Where you go to college. etc. Where you end up out of college. Blah blah blah. All the clicks of highschool on a larger (slightly less dramatic and immature) scale.

 

[Jess]

Why is it that when ever I talk about issues talking to people in real life.. about getting professional help.. and how I'm scared to do it.. people always just say how I need to and it will get easier?

That's bullshit and they know it. Or they should. sorry to be so blunt. but, i dunno, maybe it's just me, but talking in real life doesn't get easier. I get all awkward and shy and I freeze, and my muscles tense up, and my face feels hot. I'm uncomfortable with it! I can't even talk on the phone enough to order pizza.. I'm so shy. and I say this. But all people ever give me is basically (and bluntly) suck it up, and do it. You baby.

Is there no other way to adjust to talking to someone in real life? I can't even talk to my aunt about this. She understands to a point further then most adults that aren't specifically therapists or what not. I've known her my entire life... and when I was younger I loved spending time with her and my uncle.. Now I'm scared to see her, to talk to her, anything but email.


Is there nothing else to say? or is it just the cliche? Is that really what I have to do, suck it up and quit being a baby or I'm screwed?

 

[Jess]

p.s.

I'm sorry I keep making replies to this thread. but I figure I keep coming up with stuff I want to get out.. and just ramble about..ask about... and it doesn't exactly fit under any specific section.. and rather than make a new thread everytime.. this is just my running thread.. random.. stupid.. what ever

 

[Jess]

"Yesterday I remember thinking I was the happiest person in the whole earth, in the whole galaxy, in all of God's creation. Could that only have been yesterday or was it endless light-years ago? I was thinking that the grass hadnever smelled grassier, the sky had never seemed so high. Now it's all smashed down upon my head and I wish I could just melt into the blaaaa-ness of the universe and cease to exist. Oh, why, why, why can't I?"

"Now the whole world is cold and gray and unfeeling..."

"How can they nag me to clean up my room when I feel like dying? Can't I even have the privacy of my own soul?"



"I've put on seven ugly, fat, sloppy, slobby pounds and I don't have anything I can wear. I'm beginning to look as slobby as I feel."

 

[Jess]

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience o ftrial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved."

"Difficult times have helped me understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in ever way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever"

"Life is an adventure in forgiveness."


I made a vow that I would be who I wanted to be. I vowed to figure out who I was. And it was really the start of a new life. I can't say I'm confident with who I am 100 percent of the time, but I have realized that I can't do everything on my own.