Swear I’m back on this forum every year or so
getting really tired of fighting. have been in and out of therapy for years now and I don’t think I’ve ever really got better, just slipped in and out of episodes every year. Been in specialist treatment for Borderline PD for a year or so now, seems to just highlight problems without offering solutions. They keep saying it’s early days and that it will work with time but I’m 2/3 into treatment and nothing has changed.
its always felt to me that my brain is just wired in a way that every day feels awful. All therapy has ever taught me is how to hide things better so I can work a job, and maybe I’m paranoid but it seems like that’s the only reason therapy exists. Everyone keeps telling me that only I can make the change to make things better, which is unfortunate because I know myself enough to know I’m too lazy and stubborn to do that.
so yeah, that’s why I’m suicidal. I have this habit of coming back to this forum like once or twice a year to rant at nobody, I know I’m sort of asking for compassion or something from this forum without giving it back to anyone else who posts, which I know reflects pretty badly on me but so yeah sorry about that
getting really tired of fighting. have been in and out of therapy for years now and I don’t think I’ve ever really got better, just slipped in and out of episodes every year. Been in specialist treatment for Borderline PD for a year or so now, seems to just highlight problems without offering solutions. They keep saying it’s early days and that it will work with time but I’m 2/3 into treatment and nothing has changed.
its always felt to me that my brain is just wired in a way that every day feels awful. All therapy has ever taught me is how to hide things better so I can work a job, and maybe I’m paranoid but it seems like that’s the only reason therapy exists. Everyone keeps telling me that only I can make the change to make things better, which is unfortunate because I know myself enough to know I’m too lazy and stubborn to do that.
so yeah, that’s why I’m suicidal. I have this habit of coming back to this forum like once or twice a year to rant at nobody, I know I’m sort of asking for compassion or something from this forum without giving it back to anyone else who posts, which I know reflects pretty badly on me but so yeah sorry about that