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Think I’m not able to be helped

Roman sky

Well-Known Member
#1
Swear I’m back on this forum every year or so

getting really tired of fighting. have been in and out of therapy for years now and I don’t think I’ve ever really got better, just slipped in and out of episodes every year. Been in specialist treatment for Borderline PD for a year or so now, seems to just highlight problems without offering solutions. They keep saying it’s early days and that it will work with time but I’m 2/3 into treatment and nothing has changed.

its always felt to me that my brain is just wired in a way that every day feels awful. All therapy has ever taught me is how to hide things better so I can work a job, and maybe I’m paranoid but it seems like that’s the only reason therapy exists. Everyone keeps telling me that only I can make the change to make things better, which is unfortunate because I know myself enough to know I’m too lazy and stubborn to do that.

so yeah, that’s why I’m suicidal. I have this habit of coming back to this forum like once or twice a year to rant at nobody, I know I’m sort of asking for compassion or something from this forum without giving it back to anyone else who posts, which I know reflects pretty badly on me but so yeah sorry about that
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#2
No need to feel any guilt whatsoever about how you either do, or do not use the forum @Roman sky ! : ) It's here for everyone, anytime. So, feel free to use "as needed," or necessary. . . It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help better yourself with your condition. I know for a lot people in your shoes, it can be an ever-frustrating, or never-ending battle, fight; daily dilema of sorts. . . this whole set of diagnostic features that pervade and invade upon your daily life. And go about upsetting the balance of just normal peace & harmony. In terms of the way it can interfere with & disrupt your plans and intentions and moods, thought patterns, the way you think & etc. But all is not lost, I saw an awful lot of people with this diagnosis progress to a point with furthered, and sustained--or continued treatment (as in, over time) that they eventually began to get to a place where they had a better handle on it, and were then able to deal with some of the difficulties presented a little bit better &/or easier. Their lives became more manageable, in other words. . . Is there an "e," in managable? ;) ...but back to you - do you know what might, would or could help you to overcome some of these barriers that you mention? Other than just making them disapper with the wave of a 'magic wand?' : ) And lastly, I think that most of the things that you list in terms of seeing yourself in a negative light are actually cognitive distortions, or rather, & furthremore; completely without merrit & untrue. And if you think, "How would he know? He doesn't even know me & the like!" Yes, you are correct... however, I'm just basing this off my instinct, and the accents detected in you (or what you've written) that remind me of some of the others referenced earlier, or above in my post. That being characteristics & things or such, shared with them and then how or the ways in which they would also think like this. That there's truth in the self-hatred, or whatever you want to call what your affliction, or issue is with yourself (in terms of what's holding you back). Or not? Because... What do I know! :D
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
welcome back to SF @Roman sky . we are here anytime you need or want us. and nobody is obligated to give support. you only give support when you feel comfortable to do so.

and i'm sorry that you are suffering so. it's probably a good idea to finish the treatment since you're 2/3 through. and remember we are always here for you.

mike...*hug
 

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