Think I just realized how I came to have hallucinations

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cie, Apr 15, 2012.

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  1. cie

    cie Banned Member

    I've been reading around some threads here and something sort of hit me, like a memory rushing back into your head.

    I know where I first saw the ..thing.. I see when I hallucinate now. When I was between the ages of 13-14 I had taken up meditation. Since 8 I had always had illusions, the things in my surroundings would come to life and terrifying demonic beings. But when I was 14 I was meditating, and something went well... pretty wrong.

    I didn't know what it was then, but I actually fell asleep during it... sort of. It was sleep paralysis that.. somehow.. and I wouldn't think it would even be possible.. I induced myself.

    I remember lying there like I was floating and air was passing through me, too afraid to open my eyes because I could feel intense horrifying danger and I was scared out of my mind. But the nature of my hallucinations are something that sort of manifests from an emotion you'd call fear, yet seems to surpass it's capacity a billion times over, so even if I open my eyes or not I know they are there as well as if I am looking straight at them.

    The thing is, thinking about them, let alone typing about them now... really makes the fear come to me. So this is difficult.

    The SP lasted a few minutes, hours, I don't know. It felt like seconds or minutes but... time had passed when I awoke. I think. Since then... I saw it. And it's destroyed my life in so many ways.

    That incident with SP isn't the only one, it happened once more that I recall -- I was in bed, filled with anger / rage, wanting so desperately to be so far away from the person in the room with me as I fell asleep, and that rage seemed to have carried into my sleep because I stood up, walked out the room, and slept on the couch. I woke up in bed, went about some things. Then just past midday the biggest chill I ever felt ran down my spine and I remembered... that I slept on the couch and woke up in bed, and the chill increased into complete shock when I remembered I never opened the door to leave the room -- I walked right through it...
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