Think I may have BPD.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by pogosticker, Apr 11, 2012.

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  1. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    I've been officially diagnosed with body dysmorphia and depression. But I think my main issue is BPD.

    "The primary features of BPD are unstable interpersonal relationships, affective distress, marked impulsivity, and unstable self-image."
    "The negative emotional states specific to BPD fall into four categories: destructive or self-destructive feelings; extreme feelings in general; feelings of fragmentation or lack of identity; and feelings of victimization."

    This sums me up completely.

    I come across as shy with a natural warmth (been told the latter many times), but I use people to make myself feel better. I've dated guys I had no interest in, but dated them to give me a self-esteem boost, and then tossed them aside. I told them what they wanted to hear, while taking what I needed from the relationships.
    My feelings are extreme, definitely. If something good happens, I feel amazing. But then if something 'average' happens it makes me feel like shit and I hope for the good things again, or begin feeling suicidal and depressed.
    I genuinely don't have a clue who I am. I don't know what I'm interested in or what separates me from everyone else. If anything, I'm like the pokemon 'Ditto'.
    I sometimes get urges to do destructive things and I don't know why.

    I watched the film 'Girl, Interrupted', and related to the main character so much.

    Can anyone else relate? Should I bring this up with my psychologist? Does a diagnosis of BPD even change anything?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes you bring up and concerns you have about you to your psychologist okay. I have found people diagnosed with BPD are shunned hun by the professionals who are to help them.
    Just that title seems to shut many doors for people I would not want that label next to your name because you will not get the support you deserve just my observation
  3. I was diagnosed with BPD a long time ago... (along with many other dx's)
    I find that BPD is sometimes harder than the anxiety and depression... it makes relationships murder to deal with.

    There is a website, that may help you in understanding it. It's not just the diagnosis criteria, but real world information that can really help.

    Here is some more info that may help.

    This is a link to the DSM IV criteria

    As far as your explanation of your feelings, your "extreme" nature sounds like it could be mania followed by severe depression.

    I don't know how helpful they are, but you may want to check these out, and bring the results to your doctor for true psych testing and diagnosis.

    The first is a "test" of sorts, that helps determine personality disorders, since there are a LOT of them
    (This one determined that I had a "very high" for Borderline Personality... I'd guess it was spot on... it also said "High" for anti-social, but I'm guessing that's because of my agoraphobia, although, I'd surmise that they go hand in hand. also has several screening tests.

    Now please, remember, they are NOT diagnosis, nor are they meant to be in place of a doctor... they are just a starting point... if you get results that point in a severe direction, I'd suggest printing them out and taking them to your doctor or case manager, depending on what type of place you go to, and discussing them there. If they don't take you seriously, or pass it off and don't do any psych testing/questions, I'd highly recommend looking into another doctor.
    The MOST important piece to the BPD puzzle is finding a doctor that you can TRUST.

    As far as your question, will a diagnosis of BPD change anything, the answer is usually yes. There are specific treatments for BPD that can be VERY helpful.
    DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy) is usually a group therapy that can be REALLY eye-opening. There are others, but DBT is the one that I've had experience with.

    Hopefully, I've given you some information to think about, and point you in the right direction for you.

    Good luck!

  4. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    Thank you both for your input.

    And WhydoIHAVEtobeME, thank you so much for all that helpful info/thoughts. Very helpful indeed, and I appreciate you taking the time to reply with it all. :)

    I just took the 'disorder test'.

    My results:
    "Disorder Rating Information
    Paranoid: High more info | forum
    Schizoid: Moderate more info | forum
    Schizotypal: Very High more info | forum
    Antisocial: High more info | forum
    Borderline: Very High more info | forum
    Histrionic: High more info | forum
    Narcissistic: High more info | forum
    Avoidant: High more info | forum
    Dependent: High more info | forum
    Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate more info | forum

    Obviously it's not a diagnosis, but it's interesting to look at. But the way some of the questions are structured I think needs to be reworked. There were some I read that may apply to me, but the way they were set out meant I clicked no. Obviously I don't have all those disorders, but I can kind of see why the test says high on them because I do display some traits.. but I think if it was more in-depth and didn't give such vague questions that can be taken in any number of ways it'd be more reliable. But helpful anyway.

    I'm not going to diagnose myself over the internet, but I will bring up my wonderings with my psychologist. I see my caseworker tomorrow, so maybe I'll tell her.

    I think the reason I'm having trouble managing with my BDD/depression/etc is because it's deeper than that. BPD does sound a LOT like me, and reading up on it does explain a lot of the things I've done.. but yeah, will speak to a professional.

    Thanks again, both of you.
  5. I'm glad that you're going to talk to your psych/case mgr about it. Obviously, a web "diagnosis" is as far from real as you can get, but it is a great starting point for a conversation with your real doc. The more you read on BPD, the more you'll say one of 2 things... Yes, that sounds a LOT like me, or no... I really don't do that.

    One of the hallmarks of BPD that my husband refers to alot when we discuss myself...

    When someone with BPD hears "You look nice today" We would often think, "what... I didn't look nice yesterday?" Or, "That's a beautiful blouse you're wearing today." we'd believe "My blouse yesterday must have been ugly."
    Now, imagine that in everyday life. "What a great meal you cooked tonight honey!" "The sex tonight was amazing" See where I"m going? We build ourselves into this world of nothing we do is right or good enough, and the praise that people give us, we turn against ourselves as proof that we're right.

    Granted, this is not ALL BPD is, this is just one way my husband reminds me that I don't think "normal" so that we can keep me on track. He's VERY careful to not give specific types of praise... "You look beautiful" vs "You look beautiful today" That way, my mind can't take from it what it pleases.
    Of course, with the rest of my dx's (Severe Depression, Severe Anxiety, Panic Attacks, PTSD, Agoraphobia and OCD) it can be a difficult road...

    If you find that, after discussing it with your doc, you'd like to chat about it, let me know... I'm happy to help if I can. Often times, it's an amazing help to feel useful. There isn't much your mind can change about it.

    Oh, as far as the results on that test, most of mine were also very high.. but it REALLY is a conversation starter with your doc...
    Good luck!!!
  6. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    The label has nothing to do with it. If you want help with BPD, you see a therapist, psychiatrist, go to DBT groups/find a DBT specialist, get DBT self help books, or other BPD books, etc. There's help out there for people with this disorder.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2012
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes there is HELP definetly it is finding those people with the skills and the compassion that will help you I do think more and more professionals are starting to understand this illness
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