Think i'm done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lorax, Dec 9, 2013.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    So, i'm breaking my 'break' it seems. I'm ready to leave my body behind. I have fulfilled the biggest goals i had for my self. Found contempt about who i am. And now there's nothing i can gain.

    I'm taking a big test tomorrow, to tell me if i get into college. I feel certain to fail it. Then all my plans/hopes are pushed off, until summer. With nothing but broken dreams till then. I doubt i will hold on, if i fail this test.

    Beyond the test/work i need. I just can't see anything holding me here. I've done what i was born to, and finished it. My whole life, can logically end now. I just keep postponing the last part. I hope i can do it soon. So i can avoid the trouble of failing the test first.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am not sure how your life is complete if you have not even finished school yet- I think there are likely a lot more things out there waiting for you - whether it involves Uni now or later or not at all or anything else. The fact you do not know what they are makes you just like the rest of the world - unable to see the future. I cannot see the future and do not know what tomorrow will bring but I am certain it will come... The only thing approaching an end for you is childhood - it is up to you to look towards being an adult and making a plan for that .
     
  3. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member


    It sounds more like you are pivoting you life decision on your test scores rather than on your life goals/dreams being over... you obviously have more dreams, what did you intend on doing after college? that's a hope/dream there. if you fail the test, get up and try it again... lots of ppl fail once and still graduate. no big deal. what about marriage? kids? career? grandkids? there are other things in the world too.. maybe a dream vacation or sports or skydiving/mountain climbing... i'm in agreement with nyj, i do not think your goals/dreams are done, i think you are just resigning yourself to failure on this test. i'm not sure why... if it starts tomorrow... you still have time to "cram for the exam" .. maybe not make a great grade if you haven't studied much yet, but i bet you'd make a better one than if you didn't study at all... i am guessing there is more going on than just this exam though, what else?
     
  4. frypan367

    frypan367 Well-Known Member

    Good luck hun I hope it goes well for you
     
  5. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I probably wasn't that clear. I'm happy enough with my self, for the first time. I'm happy enough with my life as it is. I had very specific goals in line with my spiritual devotions, which i found. So i have nothing 'typical' i really want. Work/school/ect.

    I'm stressed over this test, because it's put a strain on my family to help me get this far. If i fail it, my family will just keep grinding me down, and i will have nothing to show for my self. Nothing with 'value' to others.

    I'm not a huge fan of my family life either. It's constant criticism, or ignoring. My ambition is just to satisfy them, but this is my last real chance. If i fail again, i won't be able to face being the 'family failure' anymore.

    As for being complete, i had one person i lived for. But, my father no longer needs my help.. It would have been his birthday few days back. I'm sorry to bother anyone. I barely remember posting anything new. It's hard to explain my views, no one gets what i say. Time to study some more.
     
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