Think I'm getting there

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dizgrace, Jan 28, 2013.

  1. dizgrace

    dizgrace Member

    I'm feeling better than I have for a while. Surprising considering in some ways I'm more alone than ever, but I'm able to be in my own head now without wanting to break down. Things just feel good today, and I haven't cried for over a week now.

    Fraser and I broke up, and as horrible as it sounds, I'm completely ok. I never realised how much dating him was dragging me down, he was and still is a truly lovely guy, but he was not a good boyfriend. I am not gonna lie and say I have the patience and temperament of a saint, but I don't get rude unless seriously provoked anymore. He just swore and shouted at me like I had no feelings sometimes, he would apologise afterwards but that doesn't mean it can't take a chunk out of you. And going to university definitely makes you see things differently, his immaturity became a lot more apparent. Who wants to have to leave their boyfriend's house because he strops up the stairs in front of his mother and you feel like you've done something wrong, when actually he was lying to you about something -.- I really don't have time for that! He was dragging me down with all his childish behaviour, I know when to have fun and when to be serious and I'm glad I'm no longer babysitting an 18 year old. And being sworn at the day before your birthday, yeah I can live without.

    I'm back at uni since christmas, now single, and yet I'm feeling calmer. Looking forward to going home to celebrate my birthday with my friends who I miss a lot, and going out this Friday with university people so even though I am alone, I still have people to see soon.

    My ex emailed, what a cow! I went and told her where to shove it in polite terms aka. i know you cheated on me Harri, please have the decency to leave me alone, and she has. Not even an apology for screwing me around for all those years but hey, that would have been the decent thing to do and she just physically can't be nice.

    My family are a lot better, my parents are genuinely smiling again it seems. I hope it lasts I really do, besides my close friends they are my rock.

    The only thing getting me down a little at the moment is my insomnia has come back. I think it's connected to my spine in some way, some nights I can't get my limbs to stop twitching so it keeps me up, and i can feel my spine spasming, so it could just be where the muscles are still repairing. Fingers crossed it goes soon :p

    I'm glad I'm in such a good place at the moment, I really hope it lasts this time. Now I've found my new job, the only main stresses are revising for exams and house hunting for next year, but i won't let that get me down and panic this time. Happy head on from now on x
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    So happy hun your are looking after YOU now and you are right you do not need that stress on you YOu look after YOu and focus on your studies hun. glad you can reach out to your university friends Are you anything hun for the spasms hun if not maybe ask the doc for something to use on nights it won't settle down hugs
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I'm glad you are feeling somewhat better, focus on your studies-they are important. Insomnia sucks!! I suffer from it too-but with the right medication and treatment you will be fine :) Best of luck to you :hug: And keep the head high, you should be proud =)