Think I'm going to do it...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Oct 9, 2009.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    The plan for today:
    - Check if I got what I need
    - Clean the house
    - Maybe eat dinner with my sister
    - Talk to my mother on the phone
    - Start to take the things I need
    - Hopefully die :smile:
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Please keep posting. You can get through this. You can have many more dinners with your sister and many more phone conversations with your mother. How can we help you?

  3. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    Not today lady!!

    keep with us. Be strong. I hope steps 2 , 3 and 4 will get you on the straight and narrow again. You might be clouded with thoughts. Look at how long youve been here too. How many times have you replied to others etc. Why give it all up now.!

    Get the help if it gets so bad. There are contacts who will help you.

    keep in touch!
  4. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I should have done it years ago. If I don't do it now, I can't do it until next summer. It's time for me to go. :smile:
  5. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    why would it be next summer?

    nah you shouldnt do it at all. It doesnt have to be like that.


    Hold on, if you feel like letting go
    Hold on, it gets better than you know
    Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
    Don't stop searching, it's not over
    Hold on

  6. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I live with my parents, because I'm not safe on my own. Hehe. And they won't be gone for more then a day until next summer. I could of course change method, but I don't really want that.

    I forgot to put a couple of things on my list, between 2 and 3:
    - Go for a walk
    - Take a shower
  7. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    How about adding to your list, just after 'talk to my mother on the phone' - talk to people on SF. And then again. And again.
  8. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    i want you to keep adding to the list. :D lol, that way you can pre-occupy your time with things. And at midnight tonight, set off a fire work. because it means you lived another day!

    No need for a method in the first place though! :(
  9. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I just got dinner with my sister and some cleaning left on my list. It'll probably be midnight before she goes home, but I can wait until then. :smile:
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    Please don't :(
    Why do you want to do it? You haven't mentioned what's brought you to this point. Help us to help you :hug:
  11. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    Please don't. What brought this on?
  12. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    U should wait til next summer anyway. Something might change between now and then. It already has for you.

    You found us.

    And we will hang on tight.
  13. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Come on Rukia, be strong! I'm sure there's a much better alternative lying around. Please tell us what brought you to this, we want to help you.

    Don't give up, please.
  14. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    SF helped me a lot back when I was psychotic and depressed, but I'm not that anymore. At least not most of the time. I'm just suicidal. Have been for about 9 years and it only gets worse.
    I've been living for my friends and family for too long now, the guilt have been holding me back. I can feel the guilt tonight too. My sister just told me that someone she used to work with many years ago killed himself when he was 21. It was the worst funeral she had been to.
    I know that I'm loved by many people and I love them, but it's so hard when all I can think about at times is that I want to die. I've been hoping that I would end up getting killed in an accident, but it doesn't seem like that is happening.
    I really hate myself for doing this, but I need to go now.
  15. privatename

    privatename Well-Known Member

    No, you don't need to go now. We're here to listen.
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