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Think I'm in crisis for the first time

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bleach, Jun 12, 2009.

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  1. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I've been depressed before but never really had a plan, never got really close to offing myself. Now I don't feel much pain at all but I think it's because I've got my big escape route mapped out this time. Got a couple days to myself and I think i can pull this off uninterrupted. I gave myself a few last chances and blew them all. Now there's no point in giving any more chances. Only thing I would be giving myself is more pain. I feel good about this. This is the right thing to do. I don't know why I'm writing this, I guess I just want someone to know what i'm going to do. I just want to do it right when the time comes. If I execute properly, the body might not even be found for a long time. Maybe the animals will eat it. Hopefully no one in the real world will ever know what happened to me. It will be like i never existed. Which is the mostI can ask for at this point. I just hope i do it right.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey Bleach.
    I've been as close as you are at times and I definitely get that good feeling that I'm doing something right, or the comfort that it will be over soon.
    I just want you to know I wish that you wouldn't, and people here do care and will listen if you want to talk more.
    PM me if you want to :hug:
  3. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    I have been in a similar situation lately... I wish that I could find a way to just disappear without anyone knowing what happened to me. I put a <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>r. I think it was because there are still people in my life that I care about, and I don't want to hurt anyone.

    Do you have anyone you care about? I try to convince myself day after day that I am a ghost, and that my suicide would go unnoticed or dealt with quickly. As much as I hate what others do to me, I feel terrible when I think of the pain I would inflict on others even if I just disappeared.

    It may feel good to plan it out, but that's only because you are focusing on something other than your problems. I know I need to fix mine. I'm going to check into the hospital and attempt to get some medication to deal with my broken mind. If you are still with us, please try the same or let us know about your problems. :please:

    Believe me, it helps.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2009
  4. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    It's not that easy. You don't know what a weak coward I am.
  5. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    the world is made up of weak cowards. the only difference is how and when that is expressed in my opinion.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you think you're a weak coward?
    Here if you want to talk.
  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    :hug: You may think you are a weak coward but we all have inner reserves of strength that are called upon when we least expect them to. Am here if you ever need to talk.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm glad you are still here bleach. You're far from a weak coward. :yes: I hope you'll begin to feel better soon. :handinhand: PM me anytime if you need to talk!! xx
  9. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    It's strange. What do you do when you don't want to die but you also don't have the strength to change? I keep working on my plan because I know it's my only way out of this hell. Even so I doubt I will be able to go through with it. This is the dilemma of a coward. Maybe I can follow through this time if I just remind myself where my life is going (nowhere) so I can push myself to get there faster..
  10. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    bleach I don't know you but I would be happy to talk with you and give you support, hell maybe even help shed light on your situation for you, who knows. You describe your feelings as strange but they seem like a common dilemma with us all. Well don't know you so don't know what more to say but wanted you to know someone out here shares your thoughts and cares about you.
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    in our depth of depression thats what we all think we are going no where
    we want the pain to end but can't die too many people be damaged if we did. we just go on living in the hope something can change Maybe a new medication that will delete depression for good. I don't know just know how you feel and when one get this tired of living the best thing to do is not give in because somehow things have to get better When your this low there is nowhere to go but up somehow. Better just to go to bed and sleep and sleep and hope when we awake we have the strength to face another day. You are not alone in your feelings so please hang in there with the rest of us
    we can give each other the support and understanding we don't seem to get from anywhere else take care
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