think of a title *poss trigger?*

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Sa Palomera, Mar 29, 2007.

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  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Now I don't know why I wanted to write this thread, forgot it. I will go to the loo then and when I'll get back I'll probably get typing or whatever.

    --

    now I'm going to make some 'bami' bbiab.

    --

    There seriously was a point to sending that letter to my dad. Maybe I should indeed get on with that. but then again. after this morning... I better not. I don't deserve for him to care. If I say or even think such awful things, then I do not deserve any better than I'm getting.

    --

    Life sucks. Make it swallow. -ya right.

    --

    Ya know part of me is devastated and sad and down low, part of me is very happy and part of me is confused and somewhere in the middle. What can I do about that?

    I really feel like 2 different persons. a smart and happy Ester and a dumb and sad Ester. Drugs are really bad, I know and what I use fucks with your memory and brain. I know for a fact that since I've started doing this, my memory's been lacking from time to time and it's getting more and more often, also I'm getting less smart. But that is only when I am not using them. when I am using them I can get really smart from time to time and I say and think things of which I afterwards, when I'm sober, think "wow!? how did I think of that? how did I do this? " and stuff.. but as soon as the effect wears off I'm back to the sober Ester: i am not that smart anymore, my memory's screwing up again etc.
    I keep craving for those high moments. I guess that's why it's called being high. It suck tho. :sad: why can't I be in between? in the middle?

    --

    okay enough weird talk for now...
     
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    and I'm eating 2kg bami ("chow mein -> chinese noodles" ) right nowright now :eek:hmy: that is about 0.3stone ?!

    or 4.4pounds! :eek:hmy: oh my goodness :eek:hmy:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2007
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Its not like you have to worry about gaining weight, your a little underweight. Eat up :)
     
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    but it's sooooo much! :eek:hmy: even looking at it makes me hungry lol but than as soon as I eat a bite I remember that I'm completely full (or the other way around, lol I don't know :laugh:) I'm afraid I'll end up :puke:
     
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    well u ain't eaten right for a while hun :hug:
     
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I was talking with a friend earlier. About my dad and his wife and we were thinking of actually doing something like.. throw dog's shit mixed with water over their cars. I think we will really do something like that lol serves him right.
    but then agian, he IS right... :dry:
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It won't change things ester. I know you are unhappy with the way things are going. Don't give up. Change your habits. Start small and do what you can. You can feel so much better about things and you do not need the drugs for that. I wish I could help ya out hun. Just too far away. Take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  8. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Awwwww. Estttttt. :hug:
     
  9. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Jessssssssssssssssssss :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
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