I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the night.. been feeling worse and worse all day and just keep getting the random thought pop into my head that its the last time I'm going to do things. Really not sure I can hold on anymore, caught myself just standing and staring at my 'methods of ending it' on and off all day. Keeps going through my head I should just get in my car and go to my dad's place or the hospital but I can't bring myself to do either of those things, can't handle the disbelieving stares and stupid questions again. Funny thing is I don't feel scared, just a vague sadness about a couple people and my cat, I'll miss my online friend, my dad, my sis and thats it. Don't really know why I'm posting this, maybe deep down some part of me wants to keep fighting, been fighting now for so long its become habit. Not sure what else to say.