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think this is the time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Oct 24, 2012.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    surrounded by all these people all day who don't know me

    eat meals by myself

    can't sleep - single room at hotel so can't change location

    no cats to distract me and get me throught the night

    looking down from 6th floor - courtyard so big

    makes me realize how alone and truly insignificant i really am

    i'm nothing- and that hurts so much i can't stand it

    don't want to feel like this any more but i know that's impossible - i can only pretend but i'm so tired of it all

    supposed to leave in two days but what do i have to go back to?

    wish i could actually use the chat room just to not be so alone but i can't even stay in the main room for more than a few seconds - just another failing of mine

    i don't deserve to live like this, don't want to live like this, but can only see one way out of it

    <edit moderator total eclilpse time line>

    used to be strong enough to get through this

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have your family to go back to
    You are not insignificant and people who clean motel will eventually have to go in and what damage that will do to them
    You need to get outside and go for a walk and get you mind out of this head space you are in
    You are isolating too much even if you walk to a store to get a coffee
    You do not want to harm anyone hun and you will if you leave so get out of the mind set ok
    You are special hun you are
    Call crisis you go to emergency room but you don't cause any harm to you ok don't
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2012
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Not special - pathetic, useless

    Can't face the indifference at home

    Can't handle the accumulative weight of all my mistakes

    Haven't shaved in almost a year so I didn't have to really see my face - room is filled with full length mirrors - you don't know how that makes me feel

    I'm sick to death of myself
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Cover the mirrors up hun or just don't look at them i do know how that feels and no matter w hat your brain is telling you YOU are special ok you are NOT pathetic you help me ok to see more clearly you reached out to me so that makes you special ok We have all made mistakes hun so many but that is what makes us human ok we learn for mistakes and move on
    You stay safe ok imean that you stay safe
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    if i'm not pathetic why am i just sitting and crying in my room

    want to die so that i don't have to feel like this any more

    how am i supposed to get through the night knowing that i won't be able to sleep, that i'll still hurt this much, still be what i am in the morning

    i have the power to stop it
  6. Lifeisagift

    Lifeisagift Well-Known Member

    Indeed. You have the power to stop it. You have all the weapons to stand up and fight your troubles, if your life sucks, fight it. You are someone, think about every things you can bring to people. Nobody has to judge you because nobody knows you. I can get you're down but gather up your balls and look at the man in the mirror. Life is sometimes really ugly, but you can change it.
    There's o shame to cry when you're down, the only thing you cannot do is giving up. Have you ever travelled ? Do you play music ? Life is made to be enjoyed, not undergone. And... for me, life worth it just for the freedom of wild landscapes. Things are always fine when you're face to the sea, wind in the hair. The Lord you're talking about in your quote created everything for you to enjoy them.
    Death will choose when it's the time, not you. Meanwhile fight. We all support you.
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    you think i'm someone - that's your error

    everyone in my life is more important than i am

    and don't look too hard at my current signature - it's actually a quote from the opening of the musical Les Miserables and is sung by an old prisoner who would rather die in prison that keep sufferring at hard labor
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has positives, focus on them. There is always another option than dying. There's resources to help. Helplines, email services, this forum, do what you can to stay alive. I know what it feels like to be sick of it all, tired of everything and everyone and feeling like dying is the only option but it never is. Find and try and make something to look forward to. Wish you all the luck in the world :) x
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Tried hospitals, help lines, doctors - none of it worked and now I don't trust any of them

    Few more hours then totally alone again - what I deserve
  10. passengers_side_

    passengers_side_ New Member

    I felt similar to this a month ago, i decided to put it off for a day and i felt better.
    its like the idea of writing an angry letter to someone and putting it in your drawer for a few days rather than sending it, its the act of getting the emotion out that is the hard/ strenuous part. you don't want to go through with it , just let all the emotion out.
    please talk on the chat room
    I also suffer depression which means i have an undying respect and love for you, this illness has beaten me to the floor many times and kicked me when i was down but you have to remember it is an illness and not of your own doing.

    depression is a horrible illness that most people on this site are battling, - We stand alone, together
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    done for the day - alone in my room

    don't want tv on - no radio - no pandora - nothing

    need to get through this night but don't know how

    nothing i've done before has worked

    getting worse as the day goes on

    how do i keep going

    and don't tell me to call a help line or a doctor or something like that - not going to happen

    and don't tell me i'm special or loved or worth something - i don't believe it and it just feels like everyone's lying to me

    it just hurts so much

    i want it to stop i want it to stop i want it to stop i want it stop i want it to stop
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Can't sleep - keep waking up in this strange room - don't belong here - don't want to be here

    This is what my life feels like

    Do tired of living when all I get is loneliness, failure, and pain

    This is what I have day after day after day

    I never wanted this - to be this horrible thing - not sure I'm really human any more - if I was just an animal people would have had me put down out of mercy

    Why do I deserve less than an animal
  13. Nevergiveup

    Nevergiveup Member

    say, you're a human and that i'm sur. You seems like you hate you but why ? You did nothing wrong, you said you're nothing and you had done nothing, like most of us. and yeah you're special because every one is special, we all have a different way to think or to live our life... If you don't like how you live it, just change ! I know it seems difficult but if you want you can and if you don't find solutions ask people for help, it's not a weakness rather it mean that you're strong ! You are feeling lonely in your room so go outside, give you the strenght to do it ! Your life is not finish you have the time, you have lot of thing to see. Don't think it's over, just stand up ! If you don't know what to do during the day, do a timetable and try to occupy your time so you don't think, you can do some sport or try some new thing it's never too late ! during the night you can go to a pub, it's not weird to go alone, i'm used to do it and then you gonna make new friends and with this friends you are going to feel alone and you are going make some new good experiences and start your real life.

    PS: sorry for english i'm french, i used google for correct the most of my faults and sorry if i said something bad, i didn't want to mean it.
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