think this might be it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by desperategirl, Jan 18, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. desperategirl

    desperategirl Active Member

    im really struggling tonight, its been the worst ive felt since i was discharged from hospital last thursday. I feel like im fighting a loosing battle. I was so close to succeeding last week, that it makes it all the more tempting to just go for it again, that at last i might be dead.

    Its been guilt, guilt for my family, thats kept me here this long, i honestly just really dont want to be alive. I know who i *should* contact, and the guilt side of me thinks i should, but i really dont want to. Im terrified they'll put me back in hospital.

    I just dont feel like ive got anything to live for, i hate almost everything about my life, especially myself. I cant change it because i dont want to change if that makes sense, i dont want to be *better* because my need to be dead is so much stronger. Im not even scared anymore, in fact im a hell of a lot more scared of being alive. The thought terrifies me because i cant stand the way i feel anymore, it never gets better, ive accepted that, but it persistently gets worse....all the time. I cant cope.
  2. twc

    twc Well-Known Member

    hold on... it sounds like there is a part of you that is conflicted. talk to people here on the forum (besides me) about handling the hospital, there are ways of doing things. i hope you get some relief.
  3. desperategirl

    desperategirl Active Member

    not sure i can hold on
  4. twc

    twc Well-Known Member

    can you talk to someone in chat? or just talk here. listen to some music and breathe.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you can just get throught the pain okay it will pass it always does. Stay here and chat stay with your friends until it gets less You are cared for alot here hang on okay don't give up.
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

  7. pileofgarbage

    pileofgarbage Member

    I feel much the same way. I've learned to respect depression. I'm just afraid of an icy, silent hell.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.