Thinking, a lot today...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jeannie, Jun 21, 2013.

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  1. Jeannie

    Jeannie Member

    Ive been planning and scheming for days now. should <mod edit - methods> at home at night with my Mom sleeping or should I go to a hotel. everyone around me thinks I'm fine...Im so not.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    maybe you could try talking to them and telling them what is going on? Or if not them us?

    If you really are that on edge a crisis line would also be a good idea.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. Jeannie

    Jeannie Member

    They don't get it. Iam 53, living with my Mom since going on dissability 5 years ago. I have no life. don't see any reason to live. thanks for the reply
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Have you considered the potential effect of what that would do to your mom?

    There are people who use this site who are older than you - the oldest I've stumbled across is 70/71, maybe they would offer better advice than I could. And there are others who have lost family members - who can give you an insight into what effect it's had on them.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There are a good number of us here that had to adjust to major lifestyle changes after becoming disabled. It is not easy at all. May I ask what was your problem that required it?
  6. Jeannie

    Jeannie Member

    I have kidney disease, copd. I can't afford to live on what I get from social security. I have no life. I have tried to kill myself before. I <mod edit - methods> but walked out of my room to my mom, which I don't remember doing. Now I am afraid I will wake up again. I just go day to day watching everyone around me live their lives.

    I just feel hopeless.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2013
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If you had more available money would the priority be to do things so you had a better quality of life or to move out on your own? Do you and your mother have a decent relationship or is that one of the issues? I am asking because I have a for ideas for you to consider but which is dependent on what you are hoping to change or think needs to improve most......
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, Jeannie. I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless at the moment.

    You said you are disabled and short on finances -- trying to live on disability assistance. Perhaps you could see if there are any inexpensive clubs or courses offered through a local community center. My library has Book Clubs, knitting clubs, movie nights. What about a religious affiliation? -- churches/temples often have some kind of social group, and it would probably not be too expensive.

    I hope you find people here, too, that you can talk to. Perhaps tell us some of your interests and we can think of other ways you can pursue them. Take care. :hug:
  9. Jeannie

    Jeannie Member

    All of the above. I day dream every day that I have won the lottery and I would have a place of my own to live in for the rest of my life. That I would have a life and be able to give my son a birthday, Christmas present. I have visited a few site that have club interest but can't seem to get off the sofa to do them. The good news today is at least I am thinking of going to the er. But first I have to explain to my Mom that I have to go because I am depressed. She won't understand. She will say things like but what about my doctors apt., who will take care of me etc. I dont have a way to get there. I have no car, no money for a cab or bus, and not one friend to take me there.

    I am sick to death of living this way. I have been through all kinds of therapy and know what everything means in life and why I do the things I do. I am on 500 mg of trazadone, 300 of Lamictal, 450 of wellbutrin 10 of lorazapam.

    and I am sorry for all of the time I have missed being so miserable. I am lonely.
    thanks everyone for your support. I'm trying and scared.
  10. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    It is natural to be scared when faced with the unknown.

    When it comes to our own health, be it physical or psychological, if either side falls down, we need to focus on ourselves more at those times. If that means others have to come second best for a while (in this case, your mom), then so be it. You are of equal importance, and your mom shouldn't emotionally pressurize you.

    Stick around the site, there's bound to be a few who have some degree of understanding in a number of avenues that are likely to be what are piecing together to form your depth of depression. (for example, I live with my mom too, and I can appreciate how bad it can seem).
  11. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You can get additional financial supports. Though SSDI is dependent on earnings in past you likely still qualify for HEAP, food stamps, and other aid. If you are simply applying as an adult living with parent it will be more difficult, but look at applying as a household, or getting a lease from your mother to show living expenses and it will be much easier to qualify. It may help free up some money for small things to make things more tolerable. Contact your county mental health services about counseling/therapy that may help with the depression as it is very difficult when deeply depressed to see any point in effort of things , but without the effort nothing changes and nothing gets better.
  12. Jeannie

    Jeannie Member

    Thanks for all the good support. I spoke to my son yesterday and just hearing his voice helped me. I don't get to see him much. My plan is to try and go back to work. See if I can make it that way.

    I seem to be moving away from crisis, I hope
  13. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    That sounds good. One day at a time would be advisable.

    Also, have a browse around the forum, there is an arcade, a chat-room, even a forum for fun games/creativity - You may even be able to offer support and advice to others through your experiences.
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