Thinking about doing it..but im still young

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rissa223, May 11, 2008.

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  1. Rissa223

    Rissa223 New Member

    Hey I just joined here today cause I wanna talk about this subject with other people.

    Well Im almost 13 my b-day is may 21. I first thought of suicide in january. Things were getting hard for me and I told my bff how I was feeling but she didnt help much. She told me that she was going to tell her mom and I still dont know if she did or not. sometime in febuary I cut my wrist with a razor I got took from my dad eairler that day and I didnt do it again. I still have a scar but I tell people at school my cat did it. Part of me wants to kill meself and part of me dosnt but idk what to do anymore....I feel worthless most of the time because my dads scream at me and blame me for things that arent my fault. I also have an older brother but he wont help either cause my dad baby him all the time.

    I need some help right now and i dont know what else to do. My dads dont even know Im posting this cause they r gone to the store..well they just drove in so I g2g
     
  2. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    *Pretty sure my answer to this will trigger some people*

    When I was about your age I took a overdose. I was at my Dads house at the time and I told him I was tired and just wanted to rest a while. Even thought it was early he assumed I had a long day and really was tired. My mom came a bit later and wanted to know if I wanted to come home. My dad told her I was resting. She came back later, same thing. She came back again and barged into my room and dragged me home (to the best of my knowledge). I keept going in and out of it on the very short ride. She knew something was up and ran me to ER. The only things I can remember are: my mother dragging me by my arms threw the door and someone asking if I was okay..I threw my shoe at a nurse when she tried to touch me..I also remember drinking that crap and throwing up and ripping off the monitors they hooked me up to.. I only drank the crap because they said if I didnt they would put a tube down my throat and pump my stumoch and that sounded painful. I remember waking up the next day laying in a hospital bed and being very suprised. I also remember feeling very angry at my mother for rushing me to ER and very angry with the doctors and staff for saving my life. Later they took me by ambulance to a mental hospital, where I had to stay a week (had another week long stay a bit later down the road).. To this day Im still upset that I lived. Those hospitals are crappy places. I remember being took to the second one and seeing roaches that looked big enough to carry a cat off. I never want to stay in another mental hospital again...Now, Im married with a child. My life is awful to say it without giving any details. But I am holding out hope that it can get better.. I dont believe you should sugar coat things when talking to a young person such as yourself. They need to hear the truth about things like this (expecially if they are feeling it themselves). My point is.. Im 22 years old and my life has yet to get any better. Sure it improved for a while but I came right back to this place. Im holding out hope that I can beat this and be okay again.. Theres always hope.>Thats my point..If you want to talk, feel free to send me some mail.
     
  3. A Box of Chocolates

    A Box of Chocolates Active Member

    At least you have friends. :laugh:

    Just try and make the best of your life and just remember you don't need to deal with your dad or brothers bullshit once your 16 (emancipation) or 18 if you feel like staying. although you'll probably have to deal with more shit once your on your own.
     
  4. Rissa223

    Rissa223 New Member

    well my dads came home and yelled at me to pick up my bros trash! then one of them told me im not acting like a kid should....

    i take ADHD meds and whenever i take 1 just wanna OD & get it over with......
     
  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    1. A part of you doesnt want.... try to listen this part of yourself.
    2. Just like you said, "things that arent your fault". So, why you feel worthless? Everyone can scream and yell, but if you know you are right and its not your fault, just dont listen to him, you are not worthless.
     
  6. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I know its easy to believe things when we are told them over and over again. Someone called me stupid, worthless, lazy, lier, waste of human space, ect for the longest time. I ended up adopting that view of myself. When I started to act wierd it just made things worse. My family began to treat me different. I know they didnt mean to but how else could they of reacted to my changes. They were worried and afraid and acted how they had to in order to deal with what was going on. I no longer think Im a awful waste of human space but I still dont have a very high opinion on myself. When we are yelled at and no one gives a kind word its hard to hold the head up and keep thinking good things about ourselves.. I hope you can change things soon.
     
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