Thinking about doing it tomorrow

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by denise_c, Nov 1, 2014.

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  1. denise_c

    denise_c Active Member

    Hello,

    I'm not even sure why I am posting this right now but I guess I just need to talk. My partner is next to me, on the couch, but yet, I am completely alone in this nightmare that my mental life, and then, life, has become.
    My professionnal situation is really bad, as I quit my previous job a few month ago for no other reason than feeling terrible about it and not being able to go further. I have no plans what so ever to find and et a new one.
    I am 26 years old and recently my parents had to give me some money to support me while I was waiting for social welfare.
    Last night, my partner came home drunk, as usual, and ranted about the fact that we hadn't much in common in the end, that I was not tackling with life, that he had "no-one" - "I just have you". Althought he says he still loves me I understand the relationship is not in a good position. But I can't find any courage to move on and do something about it. I believe I love him still.
    I don't see my life getting any better in the next 100 years. I have no courage, no plans, just emptyness.
    Now I find November the 2nd a good date for <mod edit>. I want to go to a forest or park and do it. Not at home.
    But it is getting late and I don't know if I can or not do it. Both options seem horrible. I am willing to go for the easiest option, but can't figure out which one it is. I can live one more day but can I really live at all ? Even one more day ? One more week ? It doesn't seem reasonable.

    I don't know if anyone will read or say anything. I'm sorry if this is really depressing.

    I write from Europe and English is not my first language. Sorry for mistakes.

    d
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 1, 2014
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You are important and I know you are suffering but please do not do anything. Please keep posting for help. Relationships are hard but you can survive. You partner was in a drunk state and just let the emotions out. PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING. we can help you through this tough time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 1, 2014
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry it seems bad that way. Can't you wait it out and see if you can go to a doctors and get some medication or find out why you're feeling this way. Sometimes physical illiness can cause depression. Suicide is not the answer, it might seem that way to you right now but I'm telling you its not the answer to your problems. You're lucky to have parents that gives you money and a partner that you believe you still love. For the name of love please keep trying and go to the doctors and from there the doctor can help you figure out what is wrong and maybe once you feel better you'll be back to work in no time.

    Take care and stay safe
     
  4. denise_c

    denise_c Active Member

    Thank you both for your answers.
    After writing here, I opened up a little bit to my partner, who acted supportively.
    The best support should come from the inside, I know that. For now I just feel too frightened and I will try to go out and not think about it.
    Power of love... I will try to keep that in mind for the next day, the next hour, the next minute.
    Thanks again.
     
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your welcome. Keep posting as YOU are important and NEVER forget that.
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Glad to be a help, there's always crisis hotlines if you feel at the edge. Those hotlines have helped me out in the past.
     
  7. Yoyogirl86

    Yoyogirl86 Well-Known Member

    Hey sorry to hear you are goijgnthtough a lot right now, what your partner said was bang out of order however don't blame yourself it was the drink that caused his mood to go down
     
  8. denise_c

    denise_c Active Member

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
    I'm still here, but also still planning for self-harm, as I've been for the past few months.
    This is tough. I can't decide if i can or cannot live. I am trying to search for my own forces but can't find a lot of them.
    Life has no meaning, no magic anymore. I'm scared all of the time and my days are empty.
    I had a very comfortable life so far and I'm fearing the future.
    I don't think I'm worth anything anymore. It's hard to live each day.
    Thaks again for your replies.
    Best,
    dc
     
  9. denise_c

    denise_c Active Member

    Feeling so low. Time is spent into nothingness and i can't take it anymore. But i don't now what to do. I am seriously lost.
     
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Use an elastic band to cope with the thoughts of self-harming as it helps me.
    You are important and keep remembering that. Please PM me if you to talk. YOU ARE IMPORTANT...
     
  11. denise_c

    denise_c Active Member

    Thanks again for your advice incrisis99.

    I am still here.
    It's difficult to talk to people.
    It's difficult to keep smiling.
    It's difficult to think about having to keep on with this life.
    It's difficult to think aout dying.

    But I am still here.
    Doing procratisnation with my suicidal plans.
    Thinking about the devastation it would be for my parents.
    Feeling guilty.
    Being alone and empty.

    Listening to Beethoven.
    Basically surviving on nothing.
     
  12. denise_c

    denise_c Active Member

    My crisis extends and the urge to suicide is creeping back every time i try to move away from it.
    Things are getting very difficult. My mood is impossible to manage. I feel like I'm totally losing control of myself.

    Time extends indefinitely and i can't move on with my life.
    My psychiatrist gave me a new medicine and i hope it will help me.
     
  13. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Denise, please remain calm as you deserve to live. I understand each day is hard but you can live and survive. I know it's hard but remain calm. PM me if you want to talk in private. Your will be fine.
     
  14. Jasp

    Jasp Active Member

    Hey there Denise_c,

    Are you still alive? I really do hope so! Life is way too much worth to end it! I've been to a place where all hope was lost, my life had become a terrible nightmare, but I survived, because life was so precious to me that I wouldn't let go of it, not before I had tried every way out I could find, and eventually, I found one. Read my story if you'd like, it was posted a few days ago in the "success strategies forum". Take care!
     
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