Thinking about ending it 2 months from now...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JGF, Jan 12, 2011.

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  1. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    I'm a total loser and a waste of life. There are plenty of reasons I feel this way, but they include:

    -Not being good at anything, with siblings much more talented than myself
    -No friends outside of the family
    -Failed out of three colleges before giving up
    -Only had one brief relationship in whole lifetime, and it's been four years since that and I can't get a date
    -23 and a virgin
    -Pursuing a dream for most of my life that it turned out I wasn't good enough to do
    -Unable to feel proud of anything or think I'm a worthwhile person to live
    -Seen tons of doctors and groups, and been on dozens of medicines over the past 15 years with no good results

    I'm starting to see a new doctor that my family seems confident in, and I see this as my last hope. If this doctor can't help me and I'm not able to fix any of these problems by March 11th, I'm jumping off our roof headfirst.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Ki JGF, I am sorry that you are not feeling so well right now. Nobody is a total loser, as God don't make trash. Everybody has something that they can do like no one else on earth, you just have to find yours.

    Who told you, you're not good at anything? Please don't compare yourself to your siblings or anyone, because you are uniquely you, just beautiful the way you are.

    If you don't think you have friends outside your family, that can be remedied by joining a group that has similar interest as yourself. If you keep showing up regularly and speak to at least one person, you will see results.

    Einstein failed many times in a school setting, before he went on to discover the laws of relativity. Not every successful person do well in school.

    If you had a relationship once, you can definitely have it again. Be confident, as girls pick up on this. When you start seeing how good you REALLY are, girls pick up on it.

    23 and a virgin is not bad. Save it for that special person. If you start loving yourself, then it's easy to find someone that will love you.

    If you don't succeed in one dream, and you're sure you have explored all it's possibilities, then remember you are like a fruit tree, you have still more blooms to come out, more talents you have not yet discovered. Give yourself that chance.

    If you feel unable to feel that you have done anything worthwhile, you have to change the way you see things. Perhaps you are good at art, or writing. Perhaps you are sensitive to others pain, and can get in a career that helps others. Perhaps you have something that you do better than others, that you never paid attention to before.

    Little things, like a five minute drawing, or posting a poem on a poetry forum, can make you feel good. Get a part time job to take your mind of yourself for a few hours, and to lift your self esteem. Do things at a pace that is comfortable for you.

    15 years of therapy and not getting the results you wish, can be frustrating. But go ahead with this new person and see if this one will work.
    Remember, to love life we must find something that we can fall in love with. In the end, we have to find something that we can devote ourselves to.

    Don't plan on killing yourself, OK? Jumping of buildings can you leave you a paraplegic or you can suffer brain injury. 23 is a wonderful age. There is hope.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Lots of good points here by jgf You can't give up hope okay Hopefully with the new doctor new ideas new therapy meds you will start feeling better about you hugs
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Many people are just late bloomers. Don't be so hard on yourself. :hug:
  5. Pienp

    Pienp Active Member

    2 months? Take my more than 5 years, almost every day I hope that it will end today when I woke up.

    Responses to your points:

    - Being good at something, but not nearly enough motivation/skills/energy to accomplish something that would be considered succesfull

    - Got plenty of friends, but most of the time feel completely alone. Thought I know this is pretty normal with people and I've gotten used to it

    - Still ongoing on the first, having huge troubles with it, thinking that I won't graduate. Reasons are completely wrong career choice, but I just hanged around there till I finally decided to put in on hold

    - Had relationships but haven't really gotten any out from them. I feel completely indifferent having a GF or not . Actually it's better not to have, since then I can concentrate on drinking.

    - That's your smallest problem in life, trust me

    - Yes, excatly the same problem. Completely wrong career choice, I knew it all the time but haven't really done anything about it because that's just something you should have to do, or at least in my family. That might be one of the only things I don't feel indifferent about, that I hate to death. Now it's too late to take a different path. And even if it would not be, I don't think that anything would work for more. More slavery, more workload.

    - Same here at all time after around age 15. I got no pride in accomplishing anything, even thought I made some things that other people would see as a success. I see those accomplishments as being a slave for some time and then getting some random "Hey that's great, good job!" which are completely indifferent for me. I also feel worthless here on this planet, because nothing works for me. I don't really like doing anything.

    - I don't use pills, I self medicate with alcohol

    The basic story might be that I have felt like a complete slave at around age 15 almost 24/7. No matter what I did, it never went away. Not even after before going to the army (mandatory in Finland) I stopped drinking, started exercising and eating healthy did not made me feel good. No, didn't change my mood at all. I felt indifferent. Now because of this feeling and lack of motivation I couldn't finish my studies, now I'm at work which I feel indifferent about, it's just slavery. Age is 26 btw.

    Anyway, that's about it. If you don't have passions in life your simply fuc*ed in this society. Now I'm just waiting till I die, it might come pretty soon since I have drinked every day for like the past 3 years and almost died from it a couple of times.

    Now, let's continue this great journey of mine here in planet Earth, which have been complete BS except for childhood and I know it will be to the grave.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2011
  6. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    I'm confused about this post. Is it telling me I should kill myself or keep going?
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i think he's trying to say he's more miserable than you.... not exactly helpful i'd say. i hope it didn't make you feel worse. i agree with flowingriver's post. it can get better for you. just pick one thing and work on that. for instance loneliness... try and make some new friends. i've met people through, also at book clubs and through a night school class i took. there are plenty of other lonely people out there, and i bet you'd make a great friend. you just can't see that at the moment because you are fighting depression. good luck with the new doctor.
  8. No one is a loser and a waste of life in this world..

    It's not very good to compare yourself to your siblings.. Just be a champion in your own race..

    You have come to the right place.. This is a forum for you to mix around and have new friends to support you when you are feeling blue
    So what? As long as you don't give up, and if you put in a bit of effort in your studies, you will succeed. Be confident in yourself.

    23 year old is still young. You still have time to look for a perfect mate..

    You are lack of confidence in youself.

    You are lack of self-esteem and you need something to boost your level of self-esteem..

    It might have been wrong medications all the time..

    Please don't give up yourself and please don't give yourself a deadline.. And please don't mention method of how you want to kill yourself here as it mnay trigger others..


    Suggestion to you since you are lack of self-confidence and self-esteem:

    Join a marathon (be it a half-marathon or a full marathon), just try to get a finisher medal for the race and feel the victorious moment in your life.. try it.. **There goes my signature at the end of my post** Don't need me to explain why i wrote that for my signature.. and why my username is: marathon-addict.. lol

    All the best to you and take care.. I don't want you to kill yourself.. All the very best to you.. :)
  9. Pienp

    Pienp Active Member

    I responded to your points from my life. Sorry, expressed myself badly, I noticed it after reading my post again a couple hours later that it might seem a little confusing, but at the moment didn't have the time to edit it.

    What I was trying to say you is this: There are people who have achieved more than you, but still lack the viewpoint to this life and the reason why we are here and what we are doing, and the most important one, why we should still keep trying. This is a basic human psychologic function for most of us.

    I can't tell you should you kill yourself or not; that's up to you, as I stand up for individual rights to choose, whetever they want to leave this plane or not (I know btw I'm at the wrong forum, trying to find a better one but failed, still looking, don't worry, I won't bother you anymore. I will only post here if it does follow the guidelines of this forum, I get it now what this forum is all about).

    But trust me, you are not alone with your feelings.

    Here's a clip that might get you feel better, I alreaydy actually posted it here somewhere but why not post it for you again:

    And again this post too might seem pretty confusing, sorry about that, having a hard time expressing myself in English (it's not my native as you probably noticed) without spell-checking it as I ATM lack the intrest or time.
  10. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    Weeks later, and nothing's gotten better. I'm a crying wreck who can't get a job, can't get a girlfriend, and has nothing gong for me in life. Why bother?
  11. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Things may take weeks. Don't worry about not meeting anyone. The right person will come along one day is may just be a while. You've managed to cope so far over the past few weeks so you can carry on. Go see someone, get some help. Don't deal with all these feelings on your own. Keep posting on here I find it helps me. I use it as a distraction method so that I can keep on going. I write blogs also as a distraction method. I find it works. So carry on posting on here. Even if it's just random crap. Reply to other peoples posts also.

    Have you spoke to anyone professional about your feelings etc?

    Are you UK based or US, or somewhere else?

  12. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    I have 2 doctors I speak to, but so far neither has been able to help me. I'm also located in the U.S.

    My dad wouldn't get off my back this morning about getting a job, so now I feel worse, because I think it's impossible for me to get one or even find a place that's hiring that I would be good at.
  13. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    Don't go. It takes time for good things to happen.o
  14. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    I've been hating myself all day because of how pathetic and stupid I am and how nonexistent my social life and friendships are. I've joined two meetup groups, but there's only one guy in both who seems to be close to my age. And my interests are so limited that I can't find anything else I'm interested in.

    Meanwhile, everyone else my age is hanging out with their friends and girlfriends and having an actual life. I can't get one started, so why should I keep going?
  15. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    hey there!

    firstly the relationship issue. i am not you, i am me and have my knowledge which may or may not be heplful.
    i've had a horrid time with relationships - i'm a complete failure at them! anything more than platonic is waaaay out of my comfort zone.

    that doesn't mean i'm a bad person or a failure as a person. hell i know plenty of people in relationships who are, dare i say, a few apples short of a tree. even hitler was in a relationship/the dalai lama isn't - take your pick! so no way a measure of your potential as a human being.

    23 and a virgin - you're judging yourself. anyone who judges you for that believes their opinion matters, which it doesn't in this aspect. fuck em. but judging yourself is a harder thing to work through. i guess what does it signify? meh i wish i still was one tbqh. makes no difference again to the quality of your character. what does it mean to you though i'm wondering? what does it signify?

    i think it's hard being different - no wait i know it is. it's like being at a split in the road - the road less travelled. perhaps you're trying so harm to be like everyone else you're overlooking the fact there's a reason you can't be, and it's unique and special to you, a diamond in the rough.
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