So I just moved to a new state, and it's getting difficult. I feel very alone, and have been experiencing increasingly suicidal thoughts and temptations. Unfortunately, the only respite I have is when I try and flat-out ignore the problem. It's been a similar pattern when dealing with anxiety and depression - when I have to confront and address the topic of depression with my therapist, it makes it significantly worst. The times she thinks I have make the best progress is when I have actually shoved everything away and tried to ignore these feelings. And moving state means I need to find new doctors. And I am just tired of everything, just exhausted. I've been hanging on by my fingernails for too long, and if I were to die now, totally fine. Honestly, the thought actually provides a moment of peace and calm.