Thinking about it...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sparrow91, Nov 12, 2013.

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  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I haven't been on in a while. I've not cut in 42 days but it's starting to feel like a count down. Like it's getting closer and closer to the day I will cut again. Lately I've had urges and it's not easy. My mind constantly thinks about it lately. When emotions run high I just want to run and SH. Sometimes I think just a little one won't be bad, but I'll start little and keep going ...I know I'll hate the scars. I keep seeing the last ones I did, pink and scarred. It almost frustrates me that I did it but frustration is only about a second long and I don't care, I don't care I just want to cut. I don't want to throw away 42 days but it's starting to seem less significant.... I lasted 7 years before, threw it all way. I just keep coming back to it like a moth to a light, like frost every winter. Posts keep my mind from actions but there's only so much I can post till you all get tired of me. Funny how these feelings feel like comfort but there horrible. Darkness is like a home but a home that I need to leave.
    Small ones just small ones...
     
  2. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    I understand what your saying, my thoughts are strong to self harm, I also think a little wouldn't matter but then I know it wouldn't be enough, acknowledge you are having these thoughts to try and get rid of them as it just makes you think about it even more, for example if I told you that you were not allowed to think about pink elephants for the next five minutes, you will find it hard. That's like trying to push the thoughts of sh away, I don't know if you get pictures of what you would do , as when the thoughts become strong and I find it hard to battle the urges I can see exactly what I want to do as if I was actually doing it. This distresses me but I say to myself that is just my minds pictures playing tricks on me, don't know if this helps at all and like I said I am really having those thoughts at the moment and it really brings me down but I also know if I did sh afterwards I will end up feeling just as bad its a short fix that don't last long in my experience and I often feel shame and guilt for doing it too, take care sparrow I hope you can resist the urges and well done for the 42 days :cheer2:
     
  3. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    congratulations if you haven't cut in 42 days. keep it up and encourage those who cut by your progress.
     
  4. AurionTobi

    AurionTobi New Member

    I'm at 41 days myself and hoping for 50. If you wanted, we could talk?
     
  5. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys, it's been a struggle I still haven't cut although it's always on my mind.
    Jell, I understand what your saying I try and distract my self with lots of stuff, somewhat helpful. I guess what's really motivatin me is I hate the scars and like you said its a quick fix and I feel horrible after..
    AurionTobi congrats to you! :) that's great, glad your shooting for 50 possible more too :)
     
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