thinking about it...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by anxious, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. anxious

    anxious New Member

    Is it normal to think about sucide....

    well i tell you guys my story...
    well ever since i was 7 my father was put in prision....since he was a Mafia.....
    he left all the responsibility to me...since i'm the oldest....every thing we once
    had that he supported us...was all gone..such as my sister would get what she wants and as for me i never really asked much but to wish he was thier for my mother and my sister and i...It could of been my fualt...because i was the one who told the police information they needed....my father will be release this year around november......but it been 5 years his been away...

    I was head of the family kind of....i know that i will not follow his path....i don't want to follow his path......so it been very hard since he was gone.....so much had happened....my mother got in dept it took her few years to pay it off.....we lived a hard life in a way....my mother worked and i took care of my sister.....tried my best to fill in what my dad couldn;t for my sister...now i m 17 and it my last year of school....i plan to head for the business field.......

    I feel so tired now....i feel like thier so much they are hoping i can achieve.....even thought i want to achieve it...i want my family to live a good life and give them the best thing i can do...but i feel as if i don't have the strengh too any more....i feel like sucide few years ago and yet i still think about it....

    Also recently....i talked to my ex girl friend, she was every thign i could want..she gave me hopes and she was the first person i told about my family history...but as you can see....me and her had a long distance relation ship...because she moved.....i felt us dirfting apart.....she broke up with me....even since that...it also impact me so much....up until now.....i feel like i hve no goal......a few nights ago she said some thing to me wasn't mean at all but it hurted me..so badly......and for reason....i think about my family....and in a way i m angry with my father!!....

    i feel really depress.....family is shiet! and emtional feelings for some one who may not even like or love..well i know my ex girl friend has some form of like
    for me....

    so yeh ever since i think about sucide quite often is this normal!???
     
  2. anxious

    anxious New Member

    i oh i did a mistake i mean when i was 12 not 7