thinking about it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ktinca, Dec 14, 2010.

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  1. ktinca

    ktinca New Member

    Been thinking about it for a while, but lately been really considering ending myself. I figured the best way. I used to cut myself when I was a teenager, but that doesn't seem enough now. I'm 43 with 2 young kids and a husband who is leaving me. MIL took the kids last night so I don't even have them to live for anymore. My daughter loves me, she's 4. She is who I'm hanging on for. But now that Gramma has her, there is nothing left.
    I've been a horrible person, I've gambled for the past 2 years and lost everything. And I mean everything. Our house is being foreclosed and I've pawned my car and wedding ring. I've lied so many lies that I can't keep them straight. My husband tried to help, but after I pawned my ring to cover another lie, he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I don't blame him.
    My thought is to end it painlessly, with no possibility of messing up. I can't afford to end up in the hospital after a botched attempt. Jumping off a bridge seems like there would be no way to survive, but I need to get there to do it. Poison is out of the question. I remember seeing a dog dying from poison and it was slow and painful. Don't own a gun. There is one more thing that seems will work, but I could mess it up and end up worse off, if things could possibly be worse. Anyway, I'm just rambling. I need to do something soon because I'm about to be homeless. I guess I'm hoping someone has bright ideas.
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Hey, welcome to the forum. I share much with you.
    Please hang on in there, first though, go and see a doctor please.
    There are many here that feel your pain, please hang around, post a little, maybe listen a little too.
    Am often around if you wish to pm me.
    Regards Pete
  3. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    Your problems sound too serious to be handled by an internet forum or probably even by outpatient treatment. If you live in the USA, call 911 and have yourself taken to the closest Emergency Room. It doesn't matter if you have no health insurance, they can't turn you away. If you live in another country, use the equivalent services. It sounds like you need a lot of help right now and you need to be supervised so you don't harm yourself.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The best thing you can do is to get help for your gambling addiction You need to sign yourself in to a rehab hospital and stay there until your gambling addiction is under control

    What you have is a sickness okay you cannot help yourself You need help to end this way of living You donot want to cause anymore damage and pain to your family by committing suicide omg that is the last thing you want

    YOu children need you and your husband as well but they need you WELL
    Call you doctor and get admitted okay gambling addiction is the same as any addiction and it can be gotten under control with help.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with the others.. Go to the ER and tell someone in mental health you need help because you are suicidal..Maybe sit down and write everything out.. Then take the letter and let them read it..They should be able to set you up with a place to stay when you get out..You should apply with SSI and try to get it.. Don't give up.. More than likely they will turn you down.. Thats when you get a lawyer that speacialises in disability cases..They will take there fee out of the back money..Theres options out there you just need to look into them..It will help to get a letter from the Pdoc you see in the hospital telling your diagnosis..
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    your kids need you. just because they are with your mother in law right now doesn't mean they are gone for good. this is only temporary. use this opportunity to get better. i agree with the other posts, time to go to the ER or straight to your doctor. print out this thread if you think you can't be honest with them about how you are feeling, just show them your post. they will take care of you until you start to feel better. there is a way out, you are just not thinking clearly right now.
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