Yeah. I faint when I bleed even just a little, because I am terribly anemic... I've been thinking lately that I'm in so much pain and meds and having loving family members around isn't helping at all... I'd rather just pay someone to kill me. Like: "do me a favour...? I'll give you all of my christmas money mod edit>helena: methods < I've been thinking little by little about how I would kill myself, and I know that I'm too weak(physically) to do it myself; and too scared to even attempt incase I don't actually die. I've been locked in my house for over 4 months and nothing has changed... I've changed medication 2 times and upped the dose too many times to count and it isn't working... I'm so sick of being heartbroken and lonely and feeling like everyone is out to hurt me and crying all day long- not being able to eat or sleep; I just don't want it anymore. It's really sad when the only friend I have to talk to all the time is my cat... and it's not like she can turn me down. -__- I just feel so pathetic. I don't even want to see my extended family on boxingday because I look and feel like shit... I don't think I could hold a plastered smile on for that long. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here on the forums... I always thought I didn't want sympathy-- which is why I don't tell many people how I'm feeling apart from my mom and therapist. But I guess it may be alright to hear what people who are also in my shoes are feeling?