Thinking about suicide actually makes me feel relieved

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pooh, Sep 7, 2011.

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  1. Pooh

    Pooh New Member

    Hi all
    Four months ago I got convicted of DUI
    I just graduated and I can't even apply for jobs because I have to do few months of treatment and also I don't know if anyone would hire me
    I feel so embarrassed and terrified
    I'm so scared about my life
    I haven't told my family yet and I donno if I ever will
    I dont want my family to go what I'm going through and i miss them so much but I can't even move back until my treatment is over

    I don't know what to do with my life anymore
    I just wanna hide somewhere so bad and want people to forget about me so that I can kill myself without hurting anybody..

    Each day when I wake up, it feels like I'm dreaming.. A horrible nightmare
    It just doesn't feel real and it actually relieves me the fact that I can just xxxxxxxxx that's right across the street known as xxxxxxx..
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Although it feels like you 'ruined' your life right now, there are many ppl convicted of this, who create rather sucessful lives...sounds like you are punishing yourself more than any court made a mistake; yes, one that could have caused significant damage, but it is still a what point does the punishment exceed the 'crime', so to say, and one begins to forgive one's self? It is very difficult to do, and a skill I am very poor at, but one which I think is critical to reclaim one's life.
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Big hugs to you. :hug:
  4. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hi Pooh,

    Learning from the experience and forgiving yourself will help you move forward. There is always the possibility for new beginnings. Hope you will soon feel better.
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    ive been charged with a dui - its a real inconvinience.
    i can understand your feelings of shame and pain.
    but please dont worry - take it on the chin.
    we dared to risk the law and we were caught. so fairs fair.
    as for now please calm down and relax.
    you have a long future ahead of you and i wish you the best.
    personally im having alcohol problems right now.
    its making me feel suicidal too - but i know with time and effort i will get through it.
    i feel shame and also anger at myself. but its one of those life things just another hurdle and test.
    goodluck and know you have the support of the SF community and we will always be there for you and not judge you!!! please take care!!!
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    If I laid every silly and stupid act I ever did end to end, they would probably wrap round the world :laugh:

    You're young, part of growing up and learning is making mistakes.
    OK DUI not the smartest move, but am assuming no one got hurt, so think of it as a narrow escape.
    Take the punishment, then move on, no need to blab it to anyone, including potential employers.
    If it has to come up, say it was a one off celebration due to graduating and that you were mortified....not far from truth.

    Seriously, I know it seems the end of the world at the moment and the shame is a big factor.
    No one is hurt (except you), it hasnt caused a major war and is something to be placed firmly in the past. Cut yourself some slack and move on :hug:
  7. SuicidalAgain

    SuicidalAgain Well-Known Member

    Aww, please try to stay calm. It's a harder phase of your life and you'll get through it and one day you will feel grateful for not having ended your life. I know that good moments don't usually last long, but it's so worth it to be alive and live them.
    What you did could have had a worse ending, have you thought about that? But thankfully it didn't. That's why there are laws like that. It may be hard nonetheless, but it could be worse. I believe you can make it through this stage of your life and move on to a better one :) Stay strong!
  8. toopainfultolive

    toopainfultolive Well-Known Member

    It does for me too and sometimes the suicide thoughts push me a little to do something. Something for my life. I hope u're feeling better. :shake:
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Terri... Did you loose your license?? That can be inconvenient..But you can geta restricted one to go to work, school, grocery store, Anything major..Don't let it drag you down.. I had one when the law came out..Lost my license for a year...
  10. Pooh

    Pooh New Member

    I'm embarrassed to say that this is my second one.
    When I was 16 I jumped from second floor because I didn't wanna get caught doing something from my mom and broke my back
    Was in bed for few months buy it all healed up
    Couple years later I drove my friends car and totaled 3 other cars and I had to pay for everything because the car was not insured
    And I got mu first DUI when I was 21
    So I thought I got myself in enough trouble and was finally ready for a normal life but NO
    Wth is wrong with me..
    I'm just causing trouble and the scale is getting bigger n bigger
    I'm so scared....
  11. toopainfultolive

    toopainfultolive Well-Known Member

    we all make mistakes here and there. don't stress yourself out. :console:
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