Thinking about suicide....or failing an attempt to get help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Brad, Jan 18, 2012.

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  1. Brad

    Brad Member

    Im 18year old male. Im a freshman in college. I come from a loving family and have lots of friends. This may seem like a good life, right?? wrong. I dont know what is wrong with me, I hate going through the day as myself. I hate how I look, hate the way I act. Im curious about suicide, im scared of it tho, but ive been thinking lately, what the hell is the point of living if you hate the life you live and see no way of changing it. Im afraid. Afraid to change who I am, I let people walk all over me and avoid confrontation at all cost. I let others dictate how I should live instead of doing what I want, I just want something in my life to fucking go as i wanted it. As i said, I have friends, but I dont like to hang out with them, Id rather think about myself and reflect upon me at home. Ive dated girls before but I am in no way mentally able to have a girlfriend right now, and my friends tease me for that because they dont know....nobody knows, everybody, including my family thinks im so happy because i hide behind a stupid fake smile alll day and never tell anyone how Im really feeling. I feel lazy, unappreciated, like nobody actually truly likes me, they just tolerate me and dont mind being with me, i get looked over by many. I need help, but too afraid to get it, instead i go on here and write this, im even to afraid to make a profile with my real name, its john not brad. How fucking sad is that. I just want this to end, to be happy for one god damn day, but nope, ill never change, and telling you guys on here wont help me, i guess im just ranting, because you can leave nice comments but I dont know how to fix this actually.

    Thanks for reading, I do really appreciate that on the other hand.

    -John
     
  2. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes ranting is good though. I'm 18 as well and I actually suffer through suicidal and mild depression episodes as I would like to call them. I can ask have you asked for professional help? Because I don't know what to do at the moment. I plan to go into counseling sometime this coming month. I just haven't found the strength to do it yet. I put up mental blocks all the time. At least your taking a major step by seeking peer emotional support.

    This has been helping me get through this stressful week. I'm also going to college but it's a community one because I dropped out of high school. I hope your day gets better and that you find the emotional support you need here on this site. I'm also here if you want to talk more about it. I won't judge you because it's not my job to judge you or criticize you.

    Trevor,
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hello John and welcome to SF! I am sorry to hear about how bad you are feeling. You shouldn't beat yourself up about what you are going through as depression can strike anyone at anytime. It is not nice to go through this alone so I am glad that you are able to share with us and reach out for help. If you have a supportive family and supportive friends use them as they will be a big support network for you. And don't make a deliberate failed attempt. They can leave you with permanent damage. If you feel that bad try and seek out a doctor or if it gets too bad, go to the emergency department. I hope you can find the help you need hun xxxx
     
  4. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Seeking professional help is the best course of action when you feel like your about ready to go over the edge. I have, and it has seemed to help me over the years sense I've done it. I went through counseling and my counselor helped me establish what triggered my suicidal thoughts. However, I'll state things have changed sense than - more things trigger them now. This place will emotionally give you peer support. I hope you continue to express yourself here because venting/ranting helps us open up a little more. Amethyst Moon is right about seeking the help.

    Trevor,
     
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