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Thinking about suicide

#1
I'm considering suicide right now. I suffer with chronic, severe, undiagnosed pain. In addition to this lately I've been having some sort of unexplained severe dysphoria and agitation, which has been a little similar to when I was diagnosed with akathisia while on Abilify 8 years ago, but this time there seems to be a little more emotional component to it as well, or I've also had additional symptoms which I'm not sure are explainable by akathisia.

Lately I frequently feel like being awake and conscious is intolerable. Partly due to the pain and partly due to this feeling of extreme discomfort and unease.

I've also had a feeling of not being myself and seeing myself from the outside.

I'm considering< mod edit method>
I just don't have hope of my situation improving. I feel that it's impossible to talk reasonably to doctors. It's almost impossible to get pain relief. I'm already on maximum dosage of NSAID and acetimanophen and I basically begged my GP to increase my opioid pain reliever slightly for a very brief period so that I could get through the days without severe pain while waiting for alternative treatments, but she refused.

I have been searching for alternative options for pain relief, but it's so hard to be listened to and believed by a doctor. Most doctors just label every headache, or even facial pain, as a tension headache, no matter how severe and atypical in presentation and say that the treatment is taking walks. I therefore don't trust that I will be able to get a certain treatment, even if I were to personally hope or believe that it could help me. I have hope in nerve blocks and botox possibly helping, but the road to getting that done seems to long. I tried a nerve block one place, but it was unsuccesfull in that I didn't get the numbness you're supposed to get in order for the nerve block to be deemed effective, according to what I've read. Also, it was done a little high in comparison to where most of my pain is.

The pain wakes me up at night and is always there in the morning.

I've started Quetiapine which was given to me by a psychiatrist, possibly because severe agitation and restlessness, as well as feeling 'not yourself' or unreal can be caused by psychosis or anxiety. I know that it can worsen akathisia if one has that. Communication with this psyhchiatrist has been hard. He's very quiet, hasn't done thourough investigations and doesn't share his thoughts about the treatments he prescribes. He also has written an incorrect information in a referral to another psychiatric unit, writing that my chronic pain has been concluded to be caused by somatization. I have really been evaluated for somatization disorder but it has been concluded that I don't have that. Personally, I don't believe in labelling people's undiagnosed somatic symptoms as certainly psychological, without clear positive criteria for inclusion in a psychiatric diagnosis. The symptoms just being of unknown cause seems too little for me as it can be very hard to find causes of things happening in the body and there are a lot of unknowns in medicine.

I feel that I can't use the refferral, because I don't want to be misunderstood and end up being treated for something I don't have. My back pain, which is what he writes has been explained as somatization, was really described as inflammatory spinal pain originally, later they have suspected pancreatic disease and gallbladder issues have been found as well. There have been a lot of findings and hypothesis, but little follow through. Findings have been ignored or not investigated further, I myself have also procrastinated in pushing to get follow up and some times have missed appointments.

He reffered me for evaluation of possible psychotic disorder, which I would like to get, or a general psych evaluation, but I'm very uncomfortable with the labeling my chronic pain as psychiatric as he did by mistake in the refferral. I really think it was just a misunderstanding by his part, that he actually believed I had been diagnosed with that.

I just don't have any hope anymore and I feel that it's too difficult to get healthcare.

Sometimes doctors make you sicker. I feel that it has a lot to do with bad communication.

I feel that I've fought so long and don't want to fight anymore.

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Walker

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#2
Hi there and welcome to SF.
I'm sorry that you're experiencing so much physical pain and it's making your whole life difficult as a result. Sometimes doctors spend years trying to find out what is wrong with someone and then it's a big clunk on the head of "oh no, sorry we didn't catch that sooner!" Doesnt make you feel better for the time you spent thinking you were crazy though. You'll find a lot of people here on the forum with chronic pain issues so a lot of us understand. I hope you find support here.

Matt
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#3
Hi, welcome to the forum. There are others here that suffer with chronic pain and look into alternative pain relief. I hope that they'll read your post. Also, I'm sorry that you suffer so much.
 
#4
Hi. Welcome to the forums @Lurendriks. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment, and that you're in so much pain.

I know there are others on this forum that also are suffering with chronic pain, so I'm sure you'll be able to find others who can other sympathy, and potentially, advice. While you are working towards trying to find relief from your pain, which you can still find, it is worth looking for ways to try and cope and find ways to make life worth living. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy and can indulge in? In the meantime, you can always share on this forum, and find any advice or empathy you need.

I hope you can feel a little better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
Hey @Lurendriks I'm sorry you're suffering so much pain. It must make life so hard. You probably can't even sleep. I'm glad you found SF. I wish we could do something for your physical pain. But you'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 
#6
Sorry that you've been in so much pain without effective treatment.
I have been searching for alternative options for pain relief
You might want to check out the link in my signature. In particular, these sub-links might be useful. Acupuncture has produced good results for a lot of people with low back pain and other conditions.

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...-worlds-second-largest-medical-system.166815/

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...orts-article-on-treating-chronic-pain.156787/

I hope something can help.
 

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